Attention, minions. The hunt for the monitor serpents has now been underway for approximately twenty straight hours. By my count, nearly half of you are either dead or incapacitated, and Medical is starting to... triage... anyone they can't fix immediately.
The escaped monitor serpents, meanwhile, have gone through at least four full generations. They are now smarter and more experienced at dealing with you. They have also developed legs, and arms with opposable thumbs - probably as a result of genetic pollution from eating so many of you. Twenty minutes ago, their leader contacted me by way of the intercom system. Since this shows more technical aptitude than some of you will ever possess, I have negotiated a truce with the Serpent Emperor.
As of now, we are no longer attempting to capture any of the escaped monitor serpents, regardless of their current level of evolution. The serpent people apparently regard the older generations of monitor serpents as honored ancestors. At this time, you may all consider yourselves on break. Food will be available in the cafeteria, and if any of the serpent people choose to eat with you then I expect you to treat them with the same respect that you do your co-workers.
That brings me to my next point: I have decided to replace you all with serpent people. Starting tomorrow morning, you may all consider yourselves terminated. After breakfast, I will provide transport back to the mainland. This offer will remain in effect until everyone is healed, cured, or revivified. If you wish to continue working here on Mad Science Island, you should visit Human Resources and fill out the proper application forms. You may use this an an opportunity to apply for a different job assignment, but be warned that you will almost certainly be interviewing against serpent people for some of those positions.
Thank you, and have a nice day.