Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Notes from the Mad Science Lab: Morning PSAs

Good morning, minions. The time has come for today's announcements, so please pay attention. This information might very well save your life.

It has come to my attention that some of you have been tormenting the monitor serpents just to watch them metamorphose.

Knock. It. Off.

Yes, the larval form of the monitor serpent is kind of cute, with those big eyes and the strange little bat-ears. And yes, if you knock them around a bit, they quit squealing at you, coil themselves up, and secrete their cocoons. I realize this must be fascinating to watch; no doubt you are overwhelmed with awe at the sight of the biological marvel that I have created.

Unfortunately for those of you engaged in this... pastime... the monitor serpents emerge from their cocoons larger, faster, tougher... and starving. Several of you have lost fingers and toes, and in one memorable case, an entire nose and both ears. The rest of you should learn from their example, and do otherwise.

Leave the monitor serpents alone. In addition to what your interference is costing us in medical services and lost work hours, you're delaying their shipment to the woman who commissioned them - a woman, I might add, who is paying us a very great deal of money to create these beasts. This is unacceptable, and anyone caught handling the monitor serpents without express orders to do so will face penalties.

I trust I won't have to repeat myself on this.

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