Rowlf The Dog explains:
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Argument Is Unnecessary Or Invalid
My boss is currently troubleshooting his code. The analyzer is trying to tell him that one of his arguments isn't necessary. He insists that it is. The analyzer insists that it isn't.
My boss is now having an argument about his argument.
My boss is now having an argument about his argument.
Icepocalypse 2.0
Well... we haven't resorted to eating the neighbors yet. However, the ice storm actually hit harder than I expected, with the result that we've been more or less trapped in the house for a couple of days. (We ventured out a couple of times, cautiously, but... well, let's just say that by the end of yesterday, the boys were inventing new games. Games which involved sneaking up behind us and jumping up to try to climb on our backs. Games which showed no regard whatsoever for what we were doing, or what sort of sharp, hot, and/or delicate items we might be holding.)
I'm back at work this morning, and frankly it's a bit of a relief. However, owing to the nearly-complete absence of writing time, none of the things I'd meant to have ready for this week are actually, y'know, ready. So, instead, to celebrate the ongoing Icepocalypse, I give Zombies On Ice:
I'm back at work this morning, and frankly it's a bit of a relief. However, owing to the nearly-complete absence of writing time, none of the things I'd meant to have ready for this week are actually, y'know, ready. So, instead, to celebrate the ongoing Icepocalypse, I give Zombies On Ice:
Friday, December 6, 2013
Real Parenting Conversations: Once More Unto The Snow
Secondborn: "Can I got outside in the snow?"
Me: "You have no pants."
Seconborn: "Now can I go outside in the snow?"
Me: "You put on one glove. You still have no pants. Where are your pants?"
Secondborn: "I tink dey are hiding outside."
Me: "Your pants are not hiding outside. Where did you put them? Find your pants."
Secondborn: "Here dey are!"
Me: "That's good, but you still have to put them on before you get to go outside."
Me: "You have no pants."
Seconborn: "Now can I go outside in the snow?"
Me: "You put on one glove. You still have no pants. Where are your pants?"
Secondborn: "I tink dey are hiding outside."
Me: "Your pants are not hiding outside. Where did you put them? Find your pants."
Secondborn: "Here dey are!"
Me: "That's good, but you still have to put them on before you get to go outside."
Confidential File Transcript: There Arose Such A Clatter
(Translated from the Italian. Records obtained by InterPol on December 6, 2013.)
To: [REDACTED]
From: [REDACTED]
Regarding: Visit from Interpol
6/12/2013
The Office of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith received a visit from agent Emma Ström of Interpol this morning. Since Your Holiness may not be immediately familiar with the issues involved, I am attaching a collection of background documents regarding this situation. I advise you to read through them before considering the results of this morning's meeting.
Following up on last year's assessment, the office has confirmed reports of Snowblossom Smith's presence in Darmstadt, Peshkopi, rural New Zealand, and eventually Guaraí (Brazil). After that, we lost track of him. Since it was Interpol taking an interest in this matter, I received the visit in my role as Cardinal Prefect. The conversation that followed was both intriguing and disturbing.
According to Agent Ström, Interpol has received troubling reports of "prancing and pawing" on certain rooftops in San Carlos, Venezuela. The Bolivarian National Police put out a request for information on any similar incidents, which led Interpol to contact us. It seems they have received requests to put out a "red notice" on Snowblossom Smith. So far, however, the charges and accusations have not been sufficient to justify that level of response.
I informed Agent Ström of Snowblossom's attempt to contact this office last year, including the response from Polar Liaison Twinkle and the discovery that the person who came to our office was a fake. Agent Ström accepted our account. It appears that she was aware of our interest in the matter, as she offered to keep us informed of any new developments in exchange for any information that we discovered. I tentatively agreed, and as a gesture of cooperation offered her our list of confirmed sightings. According to Agent Ström, our list matched three confirmed Interpol reports and added a fourth. Their listed added London (Ontario, Canada - not England) to our own.
Bearing in mind the Vatican's current focus on social issues, and the appearance of ongoing interest in Snowblossom Smith by the North Pole, I recommend that we cooperate fully in sharing information with Interpol on this issue. The issues submitted last year remain relevant, but the risks remain as well. This is a situation that requires close observation and extremely cautious action.
To: [REDACTED]
From: [REDACTED]
Regarding: Visit from Interpol
6/12/2013
The Office of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith received a visit from agent Emma Ström of Interpol this morning. Since Your Holiness may not be immediately familiar with the issues involved, I am attaching a collection of background documents regarding this situation. I advise you to read through them before considering the results of this morning's meeting.
Following up on last year's assessment, the office has confirmed reports of Snowblossom Smith's presence in Darmstadt, Peshkopi, rural New Zealand, and eventually Guaraí (Brazil). After that, we lost track of him. Since it was Interpol taking an interest in this matter, I received the visit in my role as Cardinal Prefect. The conversation that followed was both intriguing and disturbing.
According to Agent Ström, Interpol has received troubling reports of "prancing and pawing" on certain rooftops in San Carlos, Venezuela. The Bolivarian National Police put out a request for information on any similar incidents, which led Interpol to contact us. It seems they have received requests to put out a "red notice" on Snowblossom Smith. So far, however, the charges and accusations have not been sufficient to justify that level of response.
I informed Agent Ström of Snowblossom's attempt to contact this office last year, including the response from Polar Liaison Twinkle and the discovery that the person who came to our office was a fake. Agent Ström accepted our account. It appears that she was aware of our interest in the matter, as she offered to keep us informed of any new developments in exchange for any information that we discovered. I tentatively agreed, and as a gesture of cooperation offered her our list of confirmed sightings. According to Agent Ström, our list matched three confirmed Interpol reports and added a fourth. Their listed added London (Ontario, Canada - not England) to our own.
Bearing in mind the Vatican's current focus on social issues, and the appearance of ongoing interest in Snowblossom Smith by the North Pole, I recommend that we cooperate fully in sharing information with Interpol on this issue. The issues submitted last year remain relevant, but the risks remain as well. This is a situation that requires close observation and extremely cautious action.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Icepocalypse!
Ladies and gentlemen of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex, winter weather is (finally) coming. According to the Weather Channel, local temperatures will actually drop below freezing some time tonight. This dramatic change in temperature will be accompanied by 100% chance of precipitation, which can mean only one thing: Freezing Rain.
Fellow Texans, I'm sorry to say... many of you will not survive this. If you want to have any chance at all, you must go - GO NOW! - and hoard food, water, blankets, and fuel. (If you don't have firearms already, you aren't a True Texan.) Remember, the temperature may go as low as twenty-six degrees. That's low enough that the precipitation might actually accumulate as ice! The roads could possibly become completely impassible for several hours, or even a whole day!
Create or review your Family Emergency Plan. Be sure you know which of your neighbors you will eat first, should that tragic situation arise, and what steps your family will take to keep your neighbors from eating you. Every neighborhood has that one house that's uglier than everything around it; in an extreme emergency, unsightly houses can be torn down for fuel. If the unsightly house in your neighborhood also happens to be home an edible neighbor, it will make your emergency operations all the more efficient.
Then be sure to check back Saturday morning for our next report on this devastating winter storm.
(I think I missed my calling when I decided not to go into meteorology. I could have put my penchant for needless drama to good and profitable use in a career like that.)
Fellow Texans, I'm sorry to say... many of you will not survive this. If you want to have any chance at all, you must go - GO NOW! - and hoard food, water, blankets, and fuel. (If you don't have firearms already, you aren't a True Texan.) Remember, the temperature may go as low as twenty-six degrees. That's low enough that the precipitation might actually accumulate as ice! The roads could possibly become completely impassible for several hours, or even a whole day!
Create or review your Family Emergency Plan. Be sure you know which of your neighbors you will eat first, should that tragic situation arise, and what steps your family will take to keep your neighbors from eating you. Every neighborhood has that one house that's uglier than everything around it; in an extreme emergency, unsightly houses can be torn down for fuel. If the unsightly house in your neighborhood also happens to be home an edible neighbor, it will make your emergency operations all the more efficient.
Then be sure to check back Saturday morning for our next report on this devastating winter storm.
(I think I missed my calling when I decided not to go into meteorology. I could have put my penchant for needless drama to good and profitable use in a career like that.)
Do not underestimate the power of the curse waffles!
Dinnertime...
Secondborn: (age 3.75) "Is because of waffles!"
Firstborn: (age 7.5) "It is not because of waffles."
Secondborn: "Is because of waffles!"
Firstborn: "What are they, cursed waffles?"
Me: (age 40) "Do not underestimate the power of cursed waffles! The nation of Guggenheim was destroyed by cursed waffles!"
Firstborn: "There is no nation of Guggenheim."
Me: "Because it was destroyed! By cursed waffles!"
Firstborn: "..."
Me: "Once upon a time there was a princess who came to the town of Guggenheim to meet the prince. They were supposed to have waffles together. But the prince decided that he didn't want to meet the princess, so he went off to eat... an omelette! All by himself! And the princess was left alone with the waffles, and she was very sad."
Me: "But what the prince didn't know what that princess wasn't just a princess. She was also a witch. She put a curse on all the waffles in the kingdom. The people who ate the waffles all thought that the prince was a putz."
Firstborn: "What's a putz?"
Me: "Someone they didn't like. Anyway, the waffles that didn't get eaten grew little tentacles all around the outside edges and scurried around and jumped on people's heads."
Firstborn: "Like headcrabs?"
Me: "Yeah, like headcrabs, except they didn't turn to the people into zombies. Instead they just stuck there, so instead of hair the people all had these waffle-patterns on top of their heads. After that, everybody was so mad at the prince that they burned down the castle, and then the whole city. And that's why Guggenheim doesn't exist anymore."
Firstborn: "Because of the curse waffles."
Me: "Exactly."
Secondborn: (age 3.75) "Is because of waffles!"
Firstborn: (age 7.5) "It is not because of waffles."
Secondborn: "Is because of waffles!"
Firstborn: "What are they, cursed waffles?"
Me: (age 40) "Do not underestimate the power of cursed waffles! The nation of Guggenheim was destroyed by cursed waffles!"
Firstborn: "There is no nation of Guggenheim."
Me: "Because it was destroyed! By cursed waffles!"
Firstborn: "..."
Me: "Once upon a time there was a princess who came to the town of Guggenheim to meet the prince. They were supposed to have waffles together. But the prince decided that he didn't want to meet the princess, so he went off to eat... an omelette! All by himself! And the princess was left alone with the waffles, and she was very sad."
Me: "But what the prince didn't know what that princess wasn't just a princess. She was also a witch. She put a curse on all the waffles in the kingdom. The people who ate the waffles all thought that the prince was a putz."
Firstborn: "What's a putz?"
Me: "Someone they didn't like. Anyway, the waffles that didn't get eaten grew little tentacles all around the outside edges and scurried around and jumped on people's heads."
Firstborn: "Like headcrabs?"
Me: "Yeah, like headcrabs, except they didn't turn to the people into zombies. Instead they just stuck there, so instead of hair the people all had these waffle-patterns on top of their heads. After that, everybody was so mad at the prince that they burned down the castle, and then the whole city. And that's why Guggenheim doesn't exist anymore."
Firstborn: "Because of the curse waffles."
Me: "Exactly."
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