Honestly, the sheer gall of it being Tuesday like this. How is this even a thing?
Oh, well. I lack so much as a pair of brain cells to rub together, so have some music:
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 13, 2024
Wednesday, November 11, 2020
Not Like Other Girls
"Okay, so what's she like?"
"Well... I mean..."
"It's okay. I'm your mother, you can tell me anything."
"I... she's not like other girls?"
"Really? 'Cause that's usually..."
"I know, but... Okay, look: her eyes glow in the dark."
"Unusual, sure. But, I mean, there are quite a few of the Tech caste that have that done, so they can do repairs..."
"Yeah, it's... a little more than that."
"Okay, how so?"
"Well, all right... she can cling to walls."
"What, like a spider?"
"Sort of, yeah."
"I mean... yeah, but that's a common safety feature for Outwalkers who choose cyber-conversion..."
"Mom. She's made out of shadows. Actual, literal shadows. She's only really tangible when it's dark. Davis tried to get in her face about something yesterday and she walked right through him."
"..."
"..."
"...Oh. Not like other girls. Got it."
"Thanks, Mom. I knew you'd understand."
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Random Pictures
Kitty and the Ink Machine:
And they say dinosaurs are extinct:
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you...
And they say dinosaurs are extinct:
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you...
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Fictional Worlds I'd Rather Not Visit
So, I see that Lydia Schoch is participating in a Weekly Blogging Challenge, which looks like fun. Today's theme is "Fictional Worlds I'd Rather Not Visit," which given the amount of horror I read, well... boy, howdy. But all right, just off the top of my head, here are some worlds I'd definitely prefer to steer clear of:
Free Zone - From Stephen King's The Stand, this is the home of the new civilization that the America-based Good Guys try to set up in Boulder Colorado. Even leaving aside Captain Tripps, the re-engineered mutant influenza virus that kills off something like 99% of the population (and that's plenty of reason to avoid this world, thanks), this is just... a horrible idea. I mean, the rationale for moving to Boulder was to abandon Mother Abigail's lovely arable farmland for a semi-arid city where everybody can live off of canned food (which doesn't go bad, right?) and other stored supplies (which don't go bad either, right?) so that they can use the generators on the local dam (which don't require any sort of maintenance, right?) to provide electricity.
Recluse - From the series by L.E. Modesitt Jr., Recluse seems on the surface like it might be a pretty decent place to live... and parts of it honestly might be, most of the time. I'd still rather not visit, though, because it seems like at least once a generation there's another epic conflict between the forces of Order and Chaos, the conclusion of which requires rearranging the landscape, altering the climate, turning an army into a field of ashes, and/or sinking a fleet of warships. The result is that probably every thirty years or so, this world suffers a major ecological and economic disaster. And with my luck, that would be exactly the moment I picked to swing by for a tour.
Underland - from The Underland Chronicles by Suzanne Collins. This is actually a really fascinating little series, and it would fun to learn how to ride around on the back of a giant bat. The big issue here is that if you somehow manage to reach the Underlands from the Overlands (our world) alive -- and this is much more difficult than it sounds, and mostly a matter of luck -- well... everything is trying to eat you, you might get caught up in some horrible ancient prophecy, and it's ridiculously hard to get back out of the Underlands. Also? Giant, talking cockroaches and giant talking spiders. That's not actually a deal-breaker for me, but it would sure take some getting used to.
Yharnam - The setting for From Software's Cosmic Horror video game Bloodborne. Honestly, the "Cosmic Horror" part says it all: there are no good options here. Either you're one of the citizens, in which case you're infected and almost certainly turning into some sort of horrible monster, or else you're a hunter, in which case you'll almost certain get yourself torn apart or find some other, equally horrible death. Never, ever plan a vacation in Yharnam.
Hell Divers - I absolutely adore the concept of Nicholas Sansbury Smith's world, in which the last of humanity remains alive in giant helicarriers, and Hell Divers skydive down to the surface wasteland to scavenge the parts and supplies needed to keep those ships in the air. It's a great setting, but I would never want to visit it: scarce resources, unbelievable crowding, and a surface world too dangerous for humanity to return to.
Free Zone - From Stephen King's The Stand, this is the home of the new civilization that the America-based Good Guys try to set up in Boulder Colorado. Even leaving aside Captain Tripps, the re-engineered mutant influenza virus that kills off something like 99% of the population (and that's plenty of reason to avoid this world, thanks), this is just... a horrible idea. I mean, the rationale for moving to Boulder was to abandon Mother Abigail's lovely arable farmland for a semi-arid city where everybody can live off of canned food (which doesn't go bad, right?) and other stored supplies (which don't go bad either, right?) so that they can use the generators on the local dam (which don't require any sort of maintenance, right?) to provide electricity.
Recluse - From the series by L.E. Modesitt Jr., Recluse seems on the surface like it might be a pretty decent place to live... and parts of it honestly might be, most of the time. I'd still rather not visit, though, because it seems like at least once a generation there's another epic conflict between the forces of Order and Chaos, the conclusion of which requires rearranging the landscape, altering the climate, turning an army into a field of ashes, and/or sinking a fleet of warships. The result is that probably every thirty years or so, this world suffers a major ecological and economic disaster. And with my luck, that would be exactly the moment I picked to swing by for a tour.
Underland - from The Underland Chronicles by Suzanne Collins. This is actually a really fascinating little series, and it would fun to learn how to ride around on the back of a giant bat. The big issue here is that if you somehow manage to reach the Underlands from the Overlands (our world) alive -- and this is much more difficult than it sounds, and mostly a matter of luck -- well... everything is trying to eat you, you might get caught up in some horrible ancient prophecy, and it's ridiculously hard to get back out of the Underlands. Also? Giant, talking cockroaches and giant talking spiders. That's not actually a deal-breaker for me, but it would sure take some getting used to.
Yharnam - The setting for From Software's Cosmic Horror video game Bloodborne. Honestly, the "Cosmic Horror" part says it all: there are no good options here. Either you're one of the citizens, in which case you're infected and almost certainly turning into some sort of horrible monster, or else you're a hunter, in which case you'll almost certain get yourself torn apart or find some other, equally horrible death. Never, ever plan a vacation in Yharnam.
Hell Divers - I absolutely adore the concept of Nicholas Sansbury Smith's world, in which the last of humanity remains alive in giant helicarriers, and Hell Divers skydive down to the surface wasteland to scavenge the parts and supplies needed to keep those ships in the air. It's a great setting, but I would never want to visit it: scarce resources, unbelievable crowding, and a surface world too dangerous for humanity to return to.
Monday, April 30, 2018
Um...
So today I thought I'd talk about... um...
No, it wasn't that. Was it...?
Not that either.
So listen...
Um.
Well, okay, maybe I could put up a piece about politics? Naw, too depressing.
I could tell you about how I took the boys to see my father, and then all four of us went to a park, except the water was off so we went to another park instead and there was much running around. Except, I kind of just told you about it, right there. Anyway it was a lovely day, full of fresh air, bright sun, green plants, and copious allergens. Totally worth the massive sinus headache.
"Massive sinus headache" = "plants are trying to have sex inside my skull".
Oh! I've got it! I could tell you a bit about what I'm writing right now, and why!
...Or I could get back to writing it.
M'kay, maybe later.
::waves cheerfully::
Bye!
No, it wasn't that. Was it...?
Not that either.
So listen...
Um.
Well, okay, maybe I could put up a piece about politics? Naw, too depressing.
I could tell you about how I took the boys to see my father, and then all four of us went to a park, except the water was off so we went to another park instead and there was much running around. Except, I kind of just told you about it, right there. Anyway it was a lovely day, full of fresh air, bright sun, green plants, and copious allergens. Totally worth the massive sinus headache.
"Massive sinus headache" = "plants are trying to have sex inside my skull".
Oh! I've got it! I could tell you a bit about what I'm writing right now, and why!
...Or I could get back to writing it.
M'kay, maybe later.
::waves cheerfully::
Bye!
Friday, April 13, 2018
Honor... and the Mustache
Come close, my boys, and listen well. I have a small piece of my long life's wisdom to share with you, and it looks like this:
A man's mustache reflects his reputation.
Take mine, for example: it small and unintrusive, well-groomed, and part of other things (specifically a goatee, as I am far, far too lazy to shave my chin).
Now, some men choose to have no mustache, and that's a perfectly acceptable choice. There is no dishonor in obscurity.
But consider, by contrast, John Bolton:
His mustache is overflowing and horrible even to look at, much like his reputation. You see? So, my boys, you must always keep your mustaches -- and your reputations -- clean and neat.
A man's mustache reflects his reputation.
Take mine, for example: it small and unintrusive, well-groomed, and part of other things (specifically a goatee, as I am far, far too lazy to shave my chin).
Now, some men choose to have no mustache, and that's a perfectly acceptable choice. There is no dishonor in obscurity.
But consider, by contrast, John Bolton:
His mustache is overflowing and horrible even to look at, much like his reputation. You see? So, my boys, you must always keep your mustaches -- and your reputations -- clean and neat.
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Spider Ninjas
I think spider ninjas are stalking me. I saw this one watching me from the back of a car. You can see how it was trying to blend in, but it was no match for my battle-honed senses. I only hope they're merely watching me to make sure I'm not a threat, and they aren't planning anything... nefarious.
I'm on to you, spider ninjas.
I'm on to you, spider ninjas.
Friday, March 23, 2018
Still Life with Banana
...No, I have no idea why I felt compelled to take a picture of that. Or why I felt compelled to share it. Why does anybody do anything, really? What does it all mean, compared with the endless void that surrounds our meager, purposeless existence? Can it mean anything at all? Why am I even typing this?
I think... I think I might need coffee.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Real Work Conversations: Websire
Me: "I have just typed the word 'websire'. I missed the T."
Me: "Presumably a websire is the father of a website, so it's probably an old-style BBS."
Boss: "And now I will knight you."
Me: "In olden days, knights were virtuous. Nowadays, they're virtual."
Me: "Presumably a websire is the father of a website, so it's probably an old-style BBS."
Boss: "And now I will knight you."
Me: "In olden days, knights were virtuous. Nowadays, they're virtual."
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Temporal Xenolinguistics: A Note
What you have to understand is... Dinosaur is a tonal language. Without the proper markers for breath and emphasis, it's impossible to tell the difference between "Rawr", "Rawr", and "Rawr". (See?)
You would not believe how many researchers we lost before we figured that one out. I mean, we'd have guys standing there with a phonetic script, trying to ask "Where is the nearest stream, please?" just like the last guy did, and then they'd get torn apart because they didn't have the aspiration quite right, and wound up accusing the Allosaurus of having a deviant interest in palm fronds instead.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Random Dialogue: Old Time Religion.
Bah. You kids don't know what it's like. In the old days, everyone had an altar, or at least a Circle, right in the back yard -- and the blood on 'em was always fresh. What're ye doin' now, eh? Tithin'? Ye think the mightiest care about yer money? Settin' out bowls of milk? Ye think the true powers get thirsty for that? Never. Prayin'? Ye've given the ones ye petition nay reason t'listen t'you. Ye can do better. Ye can all do better. Bring back that old time religion, and I promise ye, ye'll see. Things ye can barely dream about these days, wonders and glories. Drench the world in blood and pain, and the things that dwell outside it will respond.
Monday, April 20, 2015
The Hail You Say
Salovar, who hailed from afar,
Was about to hail a cab
When the hail began to fall,
So he ducked back into the hall,
pleased at remaining hale.
This isn't so much some "hailish" attempt at poetry as it is just me playing with word meanings.
Was about to hail a cab
When the hail began to fall,
So he ducked back into the hall,
pleased at remaining hale.
This isn't so much some "hailish" attempt at poetry as it is just me playing with word meanings.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Underutilized Words
Here, for your edification and enlightenment on this fine Monday morning, is a list of words that I really think ought to be used in conversation more often.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Friday, September 20, 2013
Ride My Giant Lizard
In the carpool line with Firstborn this morning:
Firstborn: "I still want a giant lizard."So now I want a giant riding lizard, too. Quick! To the Mad Science Lab!
Me: "Many men do." Pause. "So you could ride it to school?"
Firstborn: "Yes."
Me: "You'd have to take it to the riding-lizard stables around the back of the school, though. And Giant Lizard Food is expensive. I mean, you can raise your own herd of giant bugs, but you'd need somewhere to keep them. And you have to watch them closely to make sure they don't chew through the fence."
Firstborn: "But the giant lizard would still have a sticky tongue!"
Me: "Oh, yes. Feeding the lizard wouldn't be a problem. It's just buying the food, or herding the giant bugs for him to eat. Have you ever tried to herd giant insects? It's really hard."
Firstborn: "And if there was a robbery, I could just tell the lizard to drop its tail. Then the police could walk up to robbers and just say, 'You're under arrest.' And their car would be like a jail. If it was all crunched up, it wouldn't even be able to drive anymore."
Me: "Good plan. I'm sure the police would appreciate the help."
Firstborn: "That's what I thought, too."
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Homophonicish Random Writing
Early one morning, a bunny left his burrow.
He quickly became lost, but was rescued by a burro.
They fell in love, but couldn't get a license at the marriage bureau.
So instead they got an apartment over in another borough.
They had trouble making payments, so they had to borrow...
...then they tried to stiff the loan shark, so he carried them off in a barrow.
Makes a charming little children's story, doesn't it? This is just my brain, playing around with words.
He quickly became lost, but was rescued by a burro.
They fell in love, but couldn't get a license at the marriage bureau.
So instead they got an apartment over in another borough.
They had trouble making payments, so they had to borrow...
...then they tried to stiff the loan shark, so he carried them off in a barrow.
Makes a charming little children's story, doesn't it? This is just my brain, playing around with words.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Science Fiction Headlines
Just a random list of possible headlines for a near-future Science Fiction story...
Transplant Patient Sues ViaClone
Says, "With my new liver, I can't get drunk anymore."
Dolphins bring suit against City of Venice
Following their successful litigation of Exxon and BP, the Dolphin Council of Elders took aim at Venice, Italy. "Hundreds of years, they've been using the water as a combination of toilet and rubbish bin," said Elder Tiktikthresqueak, speaking through an interpreter. "Frankly, we're sick of it."
Two Injured, One Killed In Collision With Thomas Jefferson's Nose
Two area teens remain hospitalized after crashing their hovercar into Mount Rushmore on Sunday. A third teen was pronounced dead at the scene. The incident is believed to be part of a nationwide trend of "brake-breaking", in which drivers disable the traffic control circuits and other safety features of their hovercars. Officials have not determined whether drugs or alcohol played a part in the crash.
Altairan Church Protests Human Immigration
Members of the Sacred Light caste entered their third week of protests outside the Homo Sapiens Embassy Building in Irulichar today. Following the Transcendent Illuminator's pronouncement that the souls of dead humans are polluting the afterlife...
Vat-grown Artificial Intelligence Announces Retirement
Adam, the first human-created artificial intelligence, was developed by Dr. Lola Rosenbaum. The artificial mind successfully lobbied for human rights and citizenship in 2097, afterwards accepting a position with Orbital VisionCore. Following the AI's successful resolution of the Martian mining riots, Adam accepted a place on OVC's Board of Directors. Yesterday, the Intelligence announced that it would be stepping down on the occasion of its upcoming fiftieth birthday...
Repairs Made to Joseph Smith
Workers from commercial mining hauler Stetson completed repairs on the generation ship Joseph Smith, which was launched in 2056 and is still on course to reach GJ 667C in another 40 years. The inhabitants of the Joseph Smith have refused all offers of faster transportation, despite the fact that modern jumpdrive ships could bring them to their destination in a matter of days. "We will complete our journey as a show of faith," said Prophet Walter Collins. The Smith had developed an atmosphere leak following a collision with a meteorite, and its crew was unable to make repairs on their own due to the extreme age of their equipment.
Leviathan Conservation Project Begins
Officials from the Interstellar Wildlife Conservation League joined representatives from the Earthgov Xenobiology Bureau on the deck of the Ouroboros. The former hauler has been extensively modified for the purpose of removing and transporting one or more leviathans from the oceans of Cynosure...
Sabotage Suspected In Explosion At Apple BioFab
Bioroid Rights Group Suspected
Negotiations between Apple, Inc. and a coalition of workers' rights activists broke down on when Steve Jobs8.2 accused the No True Life group of masterminding the weekend's explosion. The incident, which collapsed one wall and forced an emergency shutdown of the facility's reactor, occurred around 2:00 a.m. on Sunday...
Franciscan Monk Contacts Arcturian Hive Mind
In what scientists are calling the first verified case of interspecies telepathy, Brother Gregoire Lemarchand successfully merged his mind with the Arcturian racial consciousness. "It was like being inside the entire world," he reported. "I can only think that this is how God must see the Universe, being one with all of us." Vatican sources on New Rome did not respond when asked for comment...
Feel free to add your own in the comments!
Transplant Patient Sues ViaClone
Says, "With my new liver, I can't get drunk anymore."
Dolphins bring suit against City of Venice
Following their successful litigation of Exxon and BP, the Dolphin Council of Elders took aim at Venice, Italy. "Hundreds of years, they've been using the water as a combination of toilet and rubbish bin," said Elder Tiktikthresqueak, speaking through an interpreter. "Frankly, we're sick of it."
Two Injured, One Killed In Collision With Thomas Jefferson's Nose
Two area teens remain hospitalized after crashing their hovercar into Mount Rushmore on Sunday. A third teen was pronounced dead at the scene. The incident is believed to be part of a nationwide trend of "brake-breaking", in which drivers disable the traffic control circuits and other safety features of their hovercars. Officials have not determined whether drugs or alcohol played a part in the crash.
Altairan Church Protests Human Immigration
Members of the Sacred Light caste entered their third week of protests outside the Homo Sapiens Embassy Building in Irulichar today. Following the Transcendent Illuminator's pronouncement that the souls of dead humans are polluting the afterlife...
Vat-grown Artificial Intelligence Announces Retirement
Adam, the first human-created artificial intelligence, was developed by Dr. Lola Rosenbaum. The artificial mind successfully lobbied for human rights and citizenship in 2097, afterwards accepting a position with Orbital VisionCore. Following the AI's successful resolution of the Martian mining riots, Adam accepted a place on OVC's Board of Directors. Yesterday, the Intelligence announced that it would be stepping down on the occasion of its upcoming fiftieth birthday...
Repairs Made to Joseph Smith
Workers from commercial mining hauler Stetson completed repairs on the generation ship Joseph Smith, which was launched in 2056 and is still on course to reach GJ 667C in another 40 years. The inhabitants of the Joseph Smith have refused all offers of faster transportation, despite the fact that modern jumpdrive ships could bring them to their destination in a matter of days. "We will complete our journey as a show of faith," said Prophet Walter Collins. The Smith had developed an atmosphere leak following a collision with a meteorite, and its crew was unable to make repairs on their own due to the extreme age of their equipment.
Leviathan Conservation Project Begins
Officials from the Interstellar Wildlife Conservation League joined representatives from the Earthgov Xenobiology Bureau on the deck of the Ouroboros. The former hauler has been extensively modified for the purpose of removing and transporting one or more leviathans from the oceans of Cynosure...
Sabotage Suspected In Explosion At Apple BioFab
Bioroid Rights Group Suspected
Negotiations between Apple, Inc. and a coalition of workers' rights activists broke down on when Steve Jobs8.2 accused the No True Life group of masterminding the weekend's explosion. The incident, which collapsed one wall and forced an emergency shutdown of the facility's reactor, occurred around 2:00 a.m. on Sunday...
Franciscan Monk Contacts Arcturian Hive Mind
In what scientists are calling the first verified case of interspecies telepathy, Brother Gregoire Lemarchand successfully merged his mind with the Arcturian racial consciousness. "It was like being inside the entire world," he reported. "I can only think that this is how God must see the Universe, being one with all of us." Vatican sources on New Rome did not respond when asked for comment...
Feel free to add your own in the comments!
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