Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Science Fiction Headlines

Just a random list of possible headlines for a near-future Science Fiction story...

Transplant Patient Sues ViaClone
Says, "With my new liver, I can't get drunk anymore."

Dolphins bring suit against City of Venice
Following their successful litigation of Exxon and BP, the Dolphin Council of Elders took aim at Venice, Italy. "Hundreds of years, they've been using the water as a combination of toilet and rubbish bin," said Elder Tiktikthresqueak, speaking through an interpreter. "Frankly, we're sick of it."

Two Injured, One Killed In Collision With Thomas Jefferson's Nose
Two area teens remain hospitalized after crashing their hovercar into Mount Rushmore on Sunday. A third teen was pronounced dead at the scene. The incident is believed to be part of a nationwide trend of "brake-breaking", in which drivers disable the traffic control circuits and other safety features of their hovercars. Officials have not determined whether drugs or alcohol played a part in the crash.

Altairan Church Protests Human Immigration
Members of the Sacred Light caste entered their third week of protests outside the Homo Sapiens Embassy Building in Irulichar today. Following the Transcendent Illuminator's pronouncement that the souls of dead humans are polluting the afterlife...

Vat-grown Artificial Intelligence Announces Retirement
Adam, the first human-created artificial intelligence, was developed by Dr. Lola Rosenbaum. The artificial mind successfully lobbied for human rights and citizenship in 2097, afterwards accepting a position with Orbital VisionCore. Following the AI's successful resolution of the Martian mining riots, Adam accepted a place on OVC's Board of Directors. Yesterday, the Intelligence announced that it would be stepping down on the occasion of its upcoming fiftieth birthday...

Repairs Made to Joseph Smith
Workers from commercial mining hauler Stetson completed repairs on the generation ship Joseph Smith, which was launched in 2056 and is still on course to reach GJ 667C in another 40 years. The inhabitants of the Joseph Smith have refused all offers of faster transportation, despite the fact that modern jumpdrive ships could bring them to their destination in a matter of days. "We will complete our journey as a show of faith," said Prophet Walter Collins. The Smith had developed an atmosphere leak following a collision with a meteorite, and its crew was unable to make repairs on their own due to the extreme age of their equipment.

Leviathan Conservation Project Begins
Officials from the Interstellar Wildlife Conservation League joined representatives from the Earthgov Xenobiology Bureau on the deck of the Ouroboros. The former hauler has been extensively modified for the purpose of removing and transporting one or more leviathans from the oceans of Cynosure...

Sabotage Suspected In Explosion At Apple BioFab
Bioroid Rights Group Suspected
Negotiations between Apple, Inc. and a coalition of workers' rights activists broke down on when Steve Jobs8.2 accused the No True Life group of masterminding the weekend's explosion. The incident, which collapsed one wall and forced an emergency shutdown of the facility's reactor, occurred around 2:00 a.m. on Sunday...

Franciscan Monk Contacts Arcturian Hive Mind
In what scientists are calling the first verified case of interspecies telepathy, Brother Gregoire Lemarchand successfully merged his mind with the Arcturian racial consciousness. "It was like being inside the entire world," he reported. "I can only think that this is how God must see the Universe, being one with all of us." Vatican sources on New Rome did not respond when asked for comment...

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