Tweets from a Random Housecat

I started a new Twitter account, mainly for my own amusement. As with everything else I do, tweets are going to be somewhat erratic and I have no idea how long I'll keep it up. However, it's amusing me, and it might amuse the rest of you as well.

Random Housecat

Obviously I'm in the wrong line of work

Why should I be working on websites, when I could be writing epic poetry in the ancient heroic tradition, like this:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment's cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won't be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

Seriously, are there any politicians out there looking for a spokesdude/speechwriter who can produce descriptions like this? 'Cause let me tell you, I will write the flowery, overblown shit out of your press releases, speeches, and tweets. I'm completely prepared to sell out my personal integrity in exchange for ridiculous sums of money, too.

Hire me, and see your spineless and petty opponents ground into searing defeat, until the only options left to them are lamentation and despair. Against the overwhelming puissance of my dazzling wordplay, they will fall like wheat before a scythe. I will sear them beyond any hope of redemption. I can do this.

New Entry in the Parenting Journal

That's right... it's the shocking account of how December tried to kill us. Thrills! Chills! Spine-tingling terror! Also, coughing. Lots and lots of coughing.

Oh, and presents. Lots of those, too.

Read it here!

Virtual Housekeeping

Okay, so... I'm rearranging the links on the Virtual Neighbors to better reflect my actual, y'know, reading habits.

I've changed it from a straight alphabetical list to one that sorts by recent updates. I'm not sure whether I'll keep it that way, but I figure it's worth the experiment.

I've also added a bunch of new links. Some are people I've only recented started reading. Others I would have added long ago, except that I didn't want certain elements of my readership to go and crap on their blogs as well. (Incidentally, if you'd prefer not to be listed on my sidebar, let me know and I'll take you off the list, no questions asked.)

And hey, if there's someone I've neglected - or even someone you think I should be reading - feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.

The Book o' Parenting

Back when my first child was born, I decided to create an online journal about it. I hadn't yet created this blog, so I'd just write things out, put them in html, and add them to my website. This actually works pretty well, not least because it keeps the parenting stuff separate from the writing and ranting.

I'm still doing that, so if anyone is interested in reading about my experience as a parent, I invite you to check out the Book o' Parenting. There is also a mailing list, which I use to notify people when I make updates there. (Yes, I'll catch up with the current technologies one of these days. No, it probably won't be any time soon.) If you're interested in that sort of thing, you can join the mailing list by sending an e-mail to MockWriting-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. It's a one-way list, and won't make much impact on your inbox; I make updates (and send notices) about once a month.