Challenge: Showing Love

This post is part of the Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge. You can find links to other writers' answers over at Long and Short Reviews.)

Prompt: ways to show someone you love them

...It's eleven o'clock on the night before this prompt is supposed to go up, and I have absolutely no idea what to do with it.

Okay, no, that's not right, I do know how to answer that. I know, because Beautiful Wife took the dog for a walk earlier -- much earlier -- and when she still wasn't back at a quarter to eleven I called and asked if she wanted me to come pick her up. (She was at her mom's house; it was the only thing that made sense under the circumstance.) So one way, obviously, is to realize that it's very late and your spouse is still out with the dog and then go rescue them so they don't have to walk all the way home.

But also, I spent an hour this weekend going over Secondborn's homework and helping him work it out. So that's another way to show someone you love them: help them with math.

And that brings me around to my absolute favorite, which works for both Beautiful Wife and Firstborn: tea. Especially tea with little notes attached to it. "You are amazing and you can do all the things. Here is tea." "I'm very proud of the way you're taking care of your responsibilities. Have some tea." "This tea was forged in the cauldron of the gods and may only be drunk by the most beautiful and wonderful of women."

But those are just some particular examples. Showing someone you love them is basically just a matter of understanding their needs and desires -- and then being mindful about helping them when they need and want it. Our dishwasher broke, and I did the dishes myself, by hand, so we would have forks, without complaining (much) or asking for help from Beautiful Wife. That shows love. I leave Firstborn in charge of his own bedtime and wakeups, because he's shown that he can handle that and still get his schoolwork and etc. done. That shows love. 

Pay attention, and do what you can to show appreciation and support. Everything else is just details.

Pantomime

Shadows and firelight flicker around the edges of the clearing,
Opposites and partners, dancing endlessly.
She sits on the opposite side of the flames from me,
Each of us casting a long shadow behind us.

Her mouth moves, but I can't hear words--
Just the wind in the trees overhead
And the surge of blood through my veins,
The throbbing of my heart.
She makes an angry gesture
And I can only stare.

I see her lips form familiar words: You don't *listen*.
But there is still no sound.
Finally she stands.
Finally she walks away, passing from firelight into darkness
Taking the trail back to the parking lot
Without me.

She is gone:
Inevitable end to this ineluctable pantomime
That we have drawn ourselves through
A dance as automatic, silent, meaningless, and fascinating
As the play of firelight and shadow on the trees.

Valentine's Day Theme Songs

Right, so... apparently it's Valentine's Day. So, to celebrate all the hearts and flowers and candles and romance, join us below the cut for a selection of Valentine's Day music. Also, it's time for the annual Public Service Announcement: the correct abbreviation is V-Day, not VD.

Love is Actions

Love is actions.

Well, maybe not completely. I mean, feelings come into it, too. David Roche (of the Church of 80% Sincerity) suggests that love is 20% feelings, and 80% actions. Or thereabouts.

But still... no matter how you claim to feel about someone, or even how you really truly feel about them deep down in the depths of your soul, if you aren't treating them well, you aren't loving them.

Love is actions.

"Don’t speak to me about your religion; first show it to me in how you treat other people. Don't tell me how much you love your God; show me in how much you love all her children. Don't preach to me your passion for your faith; teach me through your compassion for your neighbors. In the end, I'm not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give."
~Cory Booker

This is being passed around on Facebook by a lot of people I know. I have no idea who Cory Booker is, but I applaud the sentiment.

Love is actions.

That's why "love the sinner, hate the sin" doesn't work. Every time I hear that phrase, someone is using it to defend their unloving behavior towards another person or group of people. Over on FC's blog, commenter JarredH observed (in response to just such an approach):

"Does not God ask us to love everyone? We can love the person but not the sin which homosexuality is."

Jarred Responded:
Yes, but let’s look at what God says about love. Starting with what might be the most well-known verse…

"John 3:16:For God so loved the world that He…"

Did you catch that? God’s love was so intense and awesome that it moved Him to act. And you’ll find that throughout the Bible.

Love is not an abstract concept. It’s not a state of mind. It’s a call to action. Without the subsequent action, love simply is not real. And that’s the problem with all these “sin hating sinner-lovers.” They never act towards the “sinners” they allegedly “love.” Heck, most of the time, they don’t even bother to get to know those “sinners.”

You can’t love someone under those circumstances. The Bible doesn’t permit for it. Love calls for and requires action.

And if you finish that verse, you discover it usually requires sacrificial action. Not self-righteous “tough love.”

Love is actions. (Much the same can be said of faith, by the way.)

In discussing the series Big Love, Ana Mardoll introduced me to Gary Chapman and his idea that there are five Love Languages, which Ana characterizes as Praise, Time, Gifts, Service, and Physical Affection. These are, according to Chapman, things that different people need in different degrees. Realizing and communicating what you need - and by the same token, learning and supplying what your partner needs - helps build a relationship in which both partners feel loved.

That's right. In order to have the feeling of being loved, you must have the actions of being loved.

Love is actions.