Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Notes from Mad Science Lab: Evening PSAs

Very well, minions. It seems I need to add some additional information, so take note.

The second stage is not the end of the monitor serpent's life cycle. If they are injured - if, hypothetically, you attempt to beat one to death as revenge for your friend - they will writhe around and give a very convincing impression of being in extreme pain.

That isn't pain. It's their second metamorphosis, and it doesn't involve a cocoon. When the changes are complete, the third-stage monitor serpent will shed its skin and emerge with a layer of scales that is quite capable of stopping small-arms fire. Its new teeth are not as large as they are on a stage-two serpent, but they are extremely sharp, and there are a lot of them. So if, hypothetically, you manage to provoke a monitor serpent into its third stage, odds are extremely good that it will... hypothetically... rip you apart and eat most of the pieces, thereby making it extremely difficult to determine which minion needs to be restored this time.

In addition, the third-stage serpent is now strong enough to gnaw its way out of a standard holding cell, escape the cryptozoo, and lose itself in the lab complex. Naturally, this is a situation that we would have... that we would prefer to avoid. This is especially true since, at this stage of their development, the monitor serpent is both fertile and hermaphroditic.

No, don't bother looking it up. It means that a single serpent can lay enough eggs to hatch dozens of new monitor serpents, which will also have to be caught and returned to the holding facility - preferably without injuring them and thus triggering another round of changes.

I expect to see everyone in the cafeteria for dinner, when we will determine the identity of any minions who might have been devoured. After that, we will form seek-and-capture squads to locate any specimens that might be missing from their pens.

Eat well, minions. It's going to be a long night.


  1. I know minions aren't usually very bright, but this lot seems dumber than usual. I think you need to bioconstruct some minions with a better sense of self preservation.


Feel free to leave comments; it lets me know that people are actually reading my blog. Interesting tangents and topic drift just add flavor. Linking to your own stuff is fine, as long as it's at least loosely relevant. Be civil, and have fun!