Thursday, March 8, 2012

My Email Wants To Kill Me

I just checked the SPAM folder for my email. In hindsight, this was clearly a mistake. But since I'm sure you're all dreadfully curious about what might be lurking there, here's what I found:

1. Paige says, Hey Baby! Where did you go??? :(
2. GO BIGGER wants me to add three inches to my manhood now.
3. Youtube Service has sent me two separate messages to tell me that my video has been approved.



...You know, actually...

...This has the makings of a short story, or maybe a sit-com episode. We have a novice director (we'll call him Tom), desperate to achieve fame and fortune by producing Youtube videos; the poor neglected girlfriend (or would-be girlfriend) Paige, pining away while Tom is busy filming; and their neighbor, GO BIGGER ("GO" to his friends), who has a cunning plan to get them (back?) together. Will Tom ever reach his dreams? Will he realize what he's missing out on by ignoring Paige? Will Paige wait patiently? Will she meet someone new? Will GO's wacky plot bring the two of them together, or drive them further apart??? And how much therapy will Tom need after he learns what GO has in mind for his anatomy?

Sadly, there's nothing about zombies in there, so I'm never going to write this.

What about the rest of you? Any intriguing story ideas hiding in your SPAM?


  1. Sigh... I duno: An ultrasound tech who's suing the makers of propecia for making him grow excessive body hair, yet shrinking his "manhood" goes to filmschool to turn his ultrasounds of gall stones into world-class feature length films. Hilarity ensues ... somewhere.

    That's all I got.

  2. It's all porn sites masquerading as lonely would-be Russian brides up in here... Damn, Irinochka. A dude's only got so much time.

  3. Man, those would-be Russian Brides just can't catch a break, can they? Darn you, porn sites, leave the would-be brides alone!

  4. Actually, I can't believe I forgot to mention this, but some of said emails are coming from an email address that belongs (belonged?) to an ex. And they're going out to her entire address book. Now THAT'S a story.

  5. I get ads for Christian dating sites and Jewish dating sites. That's probably worth at least a rom-com.


Feel free to leave comments; it lets me know that people are actually reading my blog. Interesting tangents and topic drift just add flavor. Linking to your own stuff is fine, as long as it's at least loosely relevant. Be civil, and have fun!