Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A movie idea too terrifying to contemplate (sober)

Opening Scene: A darkened laboratory. Men and women in lab coats stand in front of computer consoles. Through a heavily-reinforced window, a steel sphere is visible. The sphere is supported by an elaborate network of struts, tubes and wires.

Head Researcher: "Is everything ready?"

Assistant: "Almost. We're still charging the trigger. Anders thinks another minute or two."

Head Researcher: "Cold fusion. If this works, we can solve the world's energy problems. Clean, cheap, plentiful energy."

Assistant: "If we can get enough power to start the reaction..."

Head Researcher: (nods)

Anders: "Got it!"

Head Researcher: "Okay. Anders, watch those readings. Thompson, activate the cycle."

Thompson: "Activating."

The screen goes white. A moment later, the screen goes black.

Head Researcher: "What happened?"

Thompson: "I can't tell."

Anders: "Looked like a power spike... feedback from the reactor, maybe?"

Assistant: "Did it work?"

Fade back in to lab. Resolve blurry shapes into people. Through the reinforced window is a massive, oddly-shaped tree. After a moment, its branches move.

Head Researcher: "Where did it go? And what the Hell is *that*?"

Assistant: "It looks like a giant octo-"

Window smashes as a tentacle reaches through. It coils around Assistant and drags him through the window.

Anders: "Run. Run now."

Scene 1: front of building. Tentacles can be seen waving idly around and occasionally knocking down walls behind the researchers.

Head Researcher: "What *is* that thing? Where did it come from?"

Thompson: "It looks like the leviathan."

Anders: "It what?"

Thompson: "Leviathan. Giant octopus-squid thing? Ate the pirate ship?"

Anders: "You're babbling. Where did the reactor go?"

Cut scene: A man in a rumpled fedora and a battered leather jacket jams a wedge into a stone door to hold it open, then steps through. He stares up at the ancient stone altar, and the gleaming metal sphere resting atop it. Water and steam leak from the severed ends of tubes, and loose wires hang down across the front of the altar. The man pauses to examine the pattern of tiles on the floor, then carefully starts forward.

Head Researcher: "Maybe the energy from the reaction punched through to some other reality. I can't imagine where else the monster-"

Thompson: "Leviathan!"

Anders: "Not helping."

Head Researcher: "-could have come from."

Anders: "Come on. Let's find a phone."

Thompson: "Try my cell."

Anders: "Good call." Punches in numbers. "Yes, Dean Yeager? What? Listen, this is Anders down in R&D. We have a situation... Fine, I'll wait."

Thompson: "What is that?"

Head Researcher: "What is wha- We should run again."

Winged figure drops from the sky, lands on Thompson, and launches itself back into the air. Head Researcher and Anders run for shelter.

Anders: "Yeager? Yes, it's Dr. Anders... Research... Cold fusion, remember? I think we may... have done something wrong... and... what do you mean, turn on the TV?"

Anders: "No, we're busy running."

Anders and Head Researcher duck into a bank, which against all probability seems to be empty.

Anders: "Just a... moment..." (To himself:) "I should never have given up jogging." (Into phone:) "All over what, sir?"

Anders (to Head Researcher): "Apparently a batch of skeletal pirates just sailed into San Fransisco, looted everything within three blocks of the harbor, and sailed away in a black ship. New York has some sort of giant monster running around, knocking over buildings... and it seems to be dropping smaller, poisonous cricket-monsters."

Head Researcher: "What?"

Anders: "I think you were right. I think we punched through into some other movies, and now they're loose in our world."

A young woman hurries into the bank and starts towards the empty row of desks for the tellers. She appears puzzled by their absence. Behind her, the bank door slams open, and a young man chases her in.

Young Man: "Wait! Before you leave for Spain, there's something I have to tell you. Jane, I am hopelessly in love with you!"

Jane: "Oh, Martin! I love you, too! I've tried to ignore it, but it just..."

Martin: "I know."

The pair approach each other, embrace, and kiss.

Head Researcher: "And this is because of our experiment?"

Anders: "Looks that way."

A flash of movement catches his eye. Anders turns, tensing, as a tiny figure climbs onto the desk beside him.

Anders: "Oh, no."

Tiny Figure: "Where are we? This doesn't look like the village."

Head Researcher: "...Village?"

Tiny Figure: "Our home! Say, you're really big. And all this stuff is really big. Do you live here? Can you show us around?"

More figures climb onto the tops of desks, chairs, etc.

Tiny Figure: "'Cause that would be positively Smurfy!"

Anders: "My god, what have we done?"

Head Researcher: "NOOOOO! Please, God, Noooooo!"


  1. Somehow, when the tiny figure jumped up on the desk, I knew it was going to be a smurf. I have no idea if this parallels the movie in any way, shape or form, but there you have it. I must have a rather twisted imagination to have predicted that.

  2. Warped minds think alike, it seems!


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