Santa is not a first-time homebuyer

I've mentioned before that I occasionally help Santa with his e-mail. It's time-consuming, but also kind of fun. Most of the responses are kind of generic, but then most of the e-mails that Santa receives are kind of generic. And every once in a while, someone will send in a particularly interesting letter to Santa.

This year, though, Santa received something that I'd never seen before:

Subject: New Downpayment Funds Available

Dear SANTA,

If you are a first-time homebuyer, here are some of the programs that we have available for you:

• Texas Grant - this program allows you up to 3% of the loan amount to be used for the down payment and the closing costs.


• Texas First-time Homebuyer - this program allows you up to 5% of the loan amount to be used for down payment and closing costs.

Both of these programs have a limited amount of funding available, and is available on a first come-first serve basis. Both programs will allow for below customary credit score requirements for qualified First-time homebuyers.

We also provide Real Estate services to ANY one buying or selling a home.

For current homeowners, we are also re-finance experts.

This is... unexpected, to say the least. For one thing, Santa isn't really in the market for a new home. For another, he's hardly a first-time buyer; he's been around for hundreds of years. For that matter, he probably doesn't need to actually purchase a house; he can always have the elves build one, or just do some remodeling. (Elves are surprisingly handy to have around.)

The thing that really puzzles me about the e-mail, though, is this: does spamming Santa's inbox automatically move you to the Naughty side of his list, or is there some wiggle room there?

'Cause I think someone is getting coal in his stocking this year.