Cuddles the Zombie Velociraptor
Art by Billy Browning
Cuddles is, of course, a prototype. I hope to have an entire army of zombie velociraptors ready in time for the next election. They also may be employed more discreetly: against people who tell you to smile when you're in a bad mood, people who can't manage to park their cartoonishly oversized vehicles, and anyone who's rude to legal secretaries or college professors.
At present, Cuddles lives... er, "dwells"... in a large artificial cavern off the southern end of the crypto-zoo beneath my lab. He shares this space with Dropgator (a genetically engineered crossbreeding of an alligator and a drop bear) and Deathscratch the Cybernetic Sloth.
On a completely unrelated note, the position of crypto-zookeeper has opened up again, and none of my current minions
 No, really, I promise, there's no connection at all. Hey, would an evil genius lie to you?