Monday, December 13, 2010

The Realtor Responds to Santa

So a realtor sent Santa an offer (probably by accident). Santa sent the realtor a letter. Now, the realtor has sent Santa a response:

Dear Santa,

This is delightful and made our day! Little did we think you'd notice our Christmas letter under the pile you must receive! Thank you so much for your lengthy response ( I know this must be your peak season), and please give my regards to the Mrs. and the elves for us here at LampLighter One. My daughter especially wants you to say hello to Rudolph, as she watches the two of you incessantly in your special this time of year. And that blond elf who wants to be a dentist...I hope he made it! After all, you must need a dentist from time to time in the far north!

And, listen, I know you'll be doing a lot of housecalls soon, so if you happen to find someone with a real estate need, or if, perhaps, they have a very big stocking and need an acre or two, please mention us to them. Or them to us. Either way, I can't imagine a finer referral! And if I might be so bold, you might consider a second home in a temperate climate during the off-season, because contrary to your impression, we have wonderful deals for people who own their homes as well!

I don't know if you've considered re-fi's as a little envelope to put on the tree, but it would be a gift most families would treasure--a couple hundred extra dollars each moth! If you still have a mortgage, I bet we can beat your interest rate and save you enough in a year to bring a gift to every child in Tanzania. Or maybe Zimbabwe. But you get the idea: you can make a little savings go a long way! In this year of deficit-consciousness, people want to know if Santa is pulling his own weight! If it gets out that Santa is government-subsidized, and you're dressed in Red! Oh my! And bringing a present to every boy and girl sounds a little socialist since they didn't earn it themselves. You see where this might go....

No, here at LampLighter One, we yearn for the good, old-fashioned Christmas. It's just that we don't think anyone should be born in a manger, except maybe a pig or sheep. If you're going to have Three Kings over for the shower, we don't think they should wind up picking hay out of their socks. You need to have some basic housing needs met, and that's where we come in! I haven't checked out comparables in Bethlehem, but I bet we could have gotten that young couple a home, married or not. After all, the interest rates are at historic lows!

That's what I mean by Keeping your eyes open for us. If you notice someone without a home, please put the thought in their head that we're here to help. It's what we do.

Merry Christmas from LampLighter One!
John Godbey
{phone # redacted}

PS Santa, if you don't mind, we'd love to share your letter with others!

So there you go. We write custom Santa letters (when it seems called for) mainly to let the kids know that yes, someone actually does read their letters to Santa. Every so often, though, we do it for fun. And every once in a while, the effort is rewarded.

(I have another story from this year's letters, but I'll have to post it later.)

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