I just love the holidays...
One of the few advantages of living in Texas is that I can largely ignore the weather. It rarely gets cold enough that I'd actually need to know about it in advance. So we really don't need weather reports. What we need - especially right now, with the holidays fast upon us - is an idiot report.
"As you can see, today's forecast calls for increasing levels of idiocy through the end of the week. We're expecting scattered traffic accidents as the Stupid Front moves through, so drive carefully and use your headlights. You might want to consider using your turn signals, too. On Friday, there will be an eighty-two percent chance of people forgetting where they put things and rushing around the house in a panic. Look for a flood of rude customers in the stores, especially this weekend, and continuing into next week."
Seriously, it would be a lot more helpful.