Sunday, July 11, 2010

Rape Prevention Tips

I found this over at Uzza's blog. While I have some issues with a couple of the items on this list, I'm reposting it here because... well, two things, really. The kind of crap that generally gets sent around as "rape prevention tips" always ends up making sound like it's your own fault if you get raped, and almost never offers anything that might be a useful suggestion in any but the most unlikely circumstances. In fact, a fair chunk of it seems likely to put you in more danger, rather than less. At the very least, here is (finally!) a list of rape prevention tips which put the responsibility where it belongs.

Ways to Prevent Rape

1. Do not rape anyone.

2. Do not think you have the right to rape anyone.

3. Know what rape is. Know the meaning of 'consensual'.

4. Understand that anything sexual, with someone who does not want it, is Rape.

5. Don't believe that spending money on a date entitles you to sex in return.

6. If you're on a date, keep in mind that if your date wants to go so far, but then stop, and you don't stop, you are committing rape.

7. If you see a woman who is drunk, or asleep, or otherwise unable to resist, treat her the way you would like to be treated, by not molesting or raping her.

8. Don't think that having had sex in the past means you can have it now.

9. Recognize that consenting to be your girlfriend or wife is not consent to have sex.

10. Remember that no matter how horny you are, it doesn't mean anyone else is.

11. When someone says no to you, stop.

12. Remember that when someone pushes you away, or otherwise verbally or physically indicates that they do not want to have sex with you, you are committing rape if you continue.

13. Accept that when a woman wants to stop having sex, even if it's in the middle of the sex act, she has that right, and you must respect it.

14. Remember that rape is a crime, and even if you get away with it, you have violated another person's rights, and are guilty.

15. Understand that rape is about power, not about sex.

16. Accept responsibility for your own gender. Stop expecting and advising women to prevent rapes.

17. Place the burden of stopping rape on men, who are the ones that do it, not on its victims.

18. Don't expect women to stop rape, all on their own efforts, without help from you.

19. Learn about rape, don't just accept common myths. Talk to nurses, social workers, and others with experience. Or just listen to the women in your life, since some of them without doubt are rape survivors.

20. Learn about the aftermath of rape. Learn what rape victims experience in the courts, at the hands of police, doctors, even their families and friends.

21. Learn how rapists destroy lives, in ways that are as inhumane as murder.

22. Spend some time imagining what it is like for your woman friends, how it would change your life, to be aware every second of every day that they are at risk of a man violently attacking them.

23. Understand what people mean when they talk about 'rape culture', 'patriarchy', 'male privilege'. Don't dismiss people's legitimate concerns.

24. Volunteer to help your local Rape Crisis Center, even if it's only by donating money. Help publicize their efforts and the good they do. Work toward a day when they are not necessary.

25. Keep in mind that for your woman friends, rape is not just a hypothetical, and the subject is just as painful for many of them as the war is to veterans with PTSD.

26. Reject the idea that one gender is superior to the other. Value and respect both of them equally.

27. Face the fact that sometimes women will not like you, will think you are stupid, will make fun of you, will not treat you well, will fire you from a job, will laugh at you, will refuse your advances. Just like men will.

28. Grow up. Learn to accept rejection, disappointment and frustration. Don't take them out on others.

29. Don't laugh at rape jokes. When you hear one, object to it.

30. React to comments like 'She's asking for it” the same way you react to 'It'd be fun to strangle that baby.”

31. No matter how much of a slut you think a woman may be, defend her right to choose when and where she has sex, and who she has sex with. Insist your friends do the same.

32. When you talk with your buddies, be sure to warn them to NOT RAPE ANYONE if they are out at night, or with a new girl, or in any situation where it is possible for them to commit rape.

33. If you know someone who is a rapist, do something about it. Do not ignore, tolerate, pretend you don't know or don't care, or make excuses for him. DO SOMETHING about it such as, reporting him to the police, and everyone else.

34. If you know someone has or uses Date Rape Drugs, do something about it. Turn them in, warn any women who may be endangered, or do whatever you can to stop that person.

35. Be aware of your surroundings. When you see a man who may be a threat to a woman, watch him, and intervene if necessary.

36. If you have raped anyone, go to therapy until you figure out what is wrong with you, and fix it.

37. If you are a rapist, know that a few million human beings on this planet right now have no respect for you and may even wish you were dead.

38. When you get email chain letters telling women what to do to prevent men raping them, substitute this list instead.

39. Send this to every man you know.


  1. (Stumbled on this while researching if the rape prevention method of screaming "fire" mentioned on the movie Seven is a myth)

    Deaf ears. Rape prevention is aimed at women because the men that would rape, wouldn't actually read, or if they do; take heed of, the advice. In their mind, they'd stop at about 3 and justify the rest to themselves.

    Also, I laughed at 30. Mostly because I hate children.

  2. Well, I can't help you with your original search... It sounds like advice aimed at victims of random assault, which is problematic since rape (like murder) is less often the product of a random predator, and more often done by someone who knows the victim. But I don't have (and have never seen) any citations to support or refute the idea that yelling "fire" is more likely to bring help.

    (Incidentally, you would not believe some of the search strings that land people on this page. I really hope the person who was searching for "raping tips" wanted tips on how to prevent rape, rather than how to be better at it...)

    As your comment about deaf ears... meh. There's certainly some truth to that, but then I never expected anyone to read this and say, "My God, I've been doing something horrible! I must turn myself in to the police immediately." On the other hand, there are a lot of behaviors that are way more accepted than they really should be, and things like this list might at least encourage people to think about what they (or their friends) are actually doing.

    "Also, I laughed at 30. Mostly because I hate children."

    My advice: don't have children.


Feel free to leave comments; it lets me know that people are actually reading my blog. Interesting tangents and topic drift just add flavor. Linking to your own stuff is fine, as long as it's at least loosely relevant. Be civil, and have fun!