The Five Trials of The Holy Dragon Jensen

Listen, my children. Gather around, and hear the truth that only we know. Tonight we tell the story of the dragon who came to our town. Tonight, we tell the story of Jensen.

Jensen was a dragon, golden and powerful. We know this now, though we did not know it then. Jensen came to our town in stealth and deceit, a prisoner of the tasks he was forced to undertake. For Jensen had offended the gods, and had been given a series of trials to stay their wrath.  

What were his crimes? We do not know. Perhaps he spoke truth to the gods, and told them of their failures in maintaining this world. Perhaps he undertook some mischief, and was caught. We know only that he transgressed, and so the trials were laid upon him. 

His second task was to wear the body of a thinblood, what the humans call a half-elf, and to trick true elves into believing that such was truly his nature. In this he succeeded, for when he and his companions came to town, claiming to be refugees from the south, none of us doubted it. Indeed, one of our number, her name be praised, was so convinced that she lay with him as a woman with a man. Thus was his second task fulfilled.

His first task was to find a vampire and slay it. This he had already begun, for when he arrived among us he had in his company a powerful vampire in the seeming of a young boy, and when he first departed he offered that vampire to the Sacred Tree. The Great Tree responded and slew the vampire for him; thus was his first task fulfilled. 

His third task was to slay a priest, which he did by encasing Saint Ilsinor in stone: a gentle death for a noble man, and only temporary. There are those among us, defilers and deceivers, who say that Saint Ilsinor was slain after his resurrection; some even call him a martyr, but they lie. Saint Ilsinor returned to the living, and was taken to the bosom of the gods for his role in the redemption of Jensen. Thus was his third task fulfilled. 

To our shame, we did not understand these things. We watched in horror, and exchanged our suspicions, and drove the holy dragon Jensen and his companions out of our town. Then did the circle of druids watch from afar, fearful and anxious, as Jensen's companions brought him women. The women were human, and to our shame they understood what we did not: that the mandate of heaven required their cooperation in all things. Thus were we humbled and made wiser. 

The women lay with him and restored his strength, and after he had rested his companion bore him back to our town. 

...For his fourth task was to be bitten by a werebear and survive. In those days there was one among us, may her name remain unspoken, who had been born to the blood of beasts. She sought a life of peace and civility, and so Jensen appeared to her unclothed and vulnerable and bade her bite him. Her beast-self understood, and rose up, and strove with him; and when he bore its wounds, he and his companion once again departed by holy magic. 

Then did Jensen begin his final and most trying task: to lay in congress with women for half the moon's cycle. We watched, and we watched, and we marveled in growing awe and joy as he indulged again and again. His followers brought him food and drink even as he strove; his strength was endless, his body tireless, his partners a trail of exhausted satisfaction that spanned five cities. 

It was then, on the fifteenth day, with his final task fulfilled, that Jensen resumed his true form as a dragon. It was then that we who watched knew the truth: we had been touched by divinity, for the dragons are the children of the gods. It was then that we began our worship, and our work to spread the teachings of the holy dragon Jensen.

You have heard the truth this day, my children. Never doubt it. Never be scared or ashamed to speak it. The holy dragon Jensen watches over us, and will grant you the strength and endurance you need to spread his word without tiring. Go forth, and let others know as well.