Thursday, October 27, 2016

Holy Crap, We've Fallen Off The Internet

We've... had a few technical issues at work over the last few days. Strangely, my boss absolutely forbade me to send out the following email yesterday. Since this event occurred at the point where we'd been fixing things for about thirty-six hours straight and finally had most of our applications and services working again, I have absolutely no idea why he would object.
To: All Employees
From: Information Technology
Subject: Holy Crap, We've Fallen Off The Internet

At 4:42 p.m. one of our technicians set off a resonance cascade in the server room and dropped our entire workplace into the abyssal void of No Internet Connection. Until our necromancers can forcibly reanimate the desiccated corpse of the router, we have no ability to connect to the Internet, and no presence on the Internet. Also, we appear to be trapped in a realm of eternal night, and may run of out of oxygen at any time.

If you are devoured by the nameless shapes of the outer darkness, please notify the helpdesk. If there are unspeakable things dragging their claws across the windows of your office, please gather some earplugs from Human Resources. Your patience is appreciated.


Michael Mock
The Workplace That Shall Not Be Named


  1. It was the extraneous comma in "... trapped in a realm of eternal night, and may run of out of oxygen ..." Can't have something grammatically questionable being sent out, can we? That would *never* do.


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