My long life's wisdom, condensed into two pieces of advice for my son:
Me: "Have we learned a Valuable Life Lesson?"
Firstborn: "Only that I get in trouble when I haven't done anything wrong."
Me: "That is actually true, but I see two Valuable Life Lessons to be drawn from this afternoon's incident. You ready?"
Me: "First, don't do anything that even looks like roughhousing while you're at school. Second, stay far away from Jennifer. That girl is nothing but trouble for you."