Saturday, May 21, 2011

It didn't end the way we expected...

This is going to make a lot more sense you know that a man named Harold Camping has predicted that today is Judgement Day. He's... very certain about that. Naturally, I don't think it's actually going to happen that way, so here is my alternative scenario:

Easy, easy... just tell me what happened.

It didn't happen the way we thought it would. We were wrong about what to expect. The old man... he said there would be earthquakes. At six o'clock, on May twenty-first, there would be a massive earthquake, the likes of which nobody had ever seen before. And then, as the next area reached six o'clock, there'd be another earthquake, equally horrible, there. And this pattern would just move right around the world, until everything was in a state of devastation.

We'd been driving around, just talking to people, trying to warn them; until about five-thirty, when we all got together to pray. It wasn't anyplace special, just a field by the side of the road. Tom had a flask of whiskey, and he was sucking it down like... well, like there was no tomorrow. Tom and I have been in the ministry together for fourteen years. He's a sold-out, Bible-believing, born again Christian with God's fire in his heart, but last night he told me that he was worried. He thought the Lord might pass him by, might leave him to suffer with the rest of the sinners.

Go on.

Well, like I said, we stopped, and everybody got out, and we just stood together in this field. We'd been listening to the radio all day, and we hadn't heard anything about earthquakes... but, you know, that was okay. We figured the government was just keeping it quiet, so people wouldn't panic. I mean, you know how those... oh, sorry...

No, don't worry about it. Just keep going.

Well, I mean, there we were, standing in the field, and Margie kneeled down and started praying, and a few others started praying with her. She was asking Jesus to come and sweep us away, to lift us into his arms and-


And it... didn't happen like that. Six o'clock came, and... well, we didn't need the radio. We could all see that there wasn't any earthquake. But we thought maybe we were just a little off. I mean, maybe our clocks were fast. God knows the time better than anybody, right?

Tom had wandered off a little way, towards this line of trees. He was afraid that Jesus wasn't going to take him. Did I tell you that? He was... God...

They took him first, and we didn't hear a thing. I kind of saw it, from the corner of my eye. This big shape, it just reared up over him, and then they were both gone. A couple of other people were looking around too, and then...

Was that when it happened?

Yes. Oh, God, yes. God sent them, you know. He sent them to call us home. And they... they just... They were everywhere. And they.. tore everybody apart.

I ran. I guess my faith wasn't strong enough. I ran, and they were so busy with the others that they didn't even chase me. Maybe the way they looked... maybe it was one final test, and I - and my faith wasn't strong enough.

Or maybe- maybe God just didn't want me.

They're telling me it was just a freak temporal anomaly, a side-effect of something they were doing down at the super-collider.

No. No, oh God, no. Don't you see? It wasn't an accident. It was God's will. It was the Rapture... just... not the way we expected.

It was the Velocirapture.

No, stop. You have to listen to me! This was...

It's okay, it's okay. It's over, now. Get some rest.


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