1 Corinthians 13:11, revised

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Then did I come to have disposable income, wherefore I went out to buy that which I had been unable to afford in my youth: for verily Legos and action figures are a serious expense, even unto the righteous.

Werewolf stories

It must be nearing Halloween, 'cause I've been thinking about one of my old, old characters. (From back in college, which was quite a while ago now.) This was back when essentially all of my characters were author-inserts - though if we're being honest, that's still kind of true - so he's about a sixteen or seventeen year old werewolf.

I'd been reading a lot of vampire fiction at the time, and decided to cast myself as a werewolf as a sort of protest. (Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking that way; at that point, every single werewolf book on the market had some version of "does for werewolves what Anne Rice did for vampires" on the cover.) This was before that sort of dark fantasy really hit the mainstream; nowadays there are quite a number of people writing the kinds of stories that I wanted to be writing back then.

I don't have a copy of the first story I wrote about him. This is not, from a strictly literary perspective, any great loss. The thinking behind the story is (at least for me) more interesting than the story itself was. I was basically comparing werewolves and vampires, and wondering why vampires seemed so much more popular. (That, again, is a lot less true now than it was back then.)

Looking at Dracula, I saw that vampires could change shape - into wolves, at that; also bats and mist. They could control the weather, and control animals, and and were enormously strong and fast. They could go out in daylight, too: they wouldn't have any powers, but they wouldn't be harmed, either. And the basic fascination with vampires seemed, to my mind, to be intimately tied up with their fundamentally predatory nature.

On that basis, there wasn't any obvious reason why a werewolf couldn't be equally compelling. Like vampires, they could only be killed in particular ways. (I hadn't yet learned that the vulnerability to silver was essentially a recent invention for movie-werewolves.) They were strong and fast and predatory; they didn't have as many shapeshifting options - wolves and wolfmen, usually - but they could probably do them any time they pleased; and if the vampires could control animals and weather, then the werewolves almost certainly could, too. The big mark against werewolves, as I saw it, was that Hollywood insisted on treating them like indestructible, furry serial killers - which was actually a pretty bland treatment of an idea which had a lot more potential.

I should also add that all of this was before White Wolf came out with Vampire: The Masquerade and Werewolf: The Apocalypse.

The character went through several different incarnations after that, but that was where he started. There's no real point to this, except that it's what I happened to be thinking about just now.

Let the Training begin!

This morning we started the training for for our brand-new completely-revamped website (the Content Management portion in particular). It went almost exactly the way I expected it to.

That is, we got the laptops set up in the room where the training was supposed to take place. A phone switch then died, which prevented our network guys from setting up the switch that we had planned to use to connect the laptops. So, we set all the laptops to use the WiFi. This worked, mostly, except for one laptop that simply couldn't pick up an IP on the internal WiFi network - presumably the wireless router was overwhelmed by all the attention.

The training was due to start at 9:00 a.m., so naturally that was when the trainers (/technicians) arrived.

The new site is not set up - they haven't finished enough of the code for us to put it on our server yet - so the training was going to be done on their development server. Which, unsurprisingly, crashed last night, and was therefore completely inaccessible this morning. And since the trainers arrived just in time to start the class, they didn't find out until we already had everyone waiting at their computers. So, naturally, they were unable to get it fixed despite buying some time by showing off what elements the website contains and what cool things it will be able to do.

So we called off the training, and rescheduled it for Monday. And then I went back to my desk to try to catch up on the stuff I'd missed while I was in training waiting for them to get their shit together. And then I went to lunch.

On the plus side, that meant I was able to attend the Weekly Family Lunch; and they did manage to get the thing fixed in time for the afternoon training, which didn't help any of our content suppliers but was something of a relief to those of us with publishing rights. The system looks pretty easy to use from their end, which is also to the good.

Tomorrow, we'll start looking at the back-end stuff: generating and modifying templates, setting permissions, creating workflows, and like that.

Anyone care to place a bet on whether we actually manage that training?

The Cell Phone Bible, Part X

The Throne was not exactly as Jesus had left it. Oh, it was eternal - everything in Heaven was eternal - but a great deal of Heaven gave very different impressions, depending on who was looking at it and what they were doing at the time. So it was that even though nothing had changed, the Throne was no longer a high and solitary seat; instead it was smaller, lower, and placed behind something that might have been an elaborately gilded and ornate desk. The Cherubim and Seraphim seemed further away: still singing their unending song of praise, but soft and distant enough not to be distracting.

Jesus approached His Father at a dignified pace. He was completely aware of the spreadsheets on the desk, and the numbers they contained. He was also aware of the way the Father was regarding those figures.

"YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS." It was not a question. The Lord God Almighty was all-knowing and all-seeing; He did not deal in questions, except of the rhetorical variety.

"I know, Father." Jesus stopped in front of the desk. "But look - wars have all but stopped, charity has increased dramatically, and the people..."

"FOR EVERY ONE WHO NEEDS HELP, I HAVE FIVE REQUESTS FOR CONVENIENT PARKING SPACES. FOR EVERY ONE WHO WANTS HELP PROVIDING FOR THE NEEDY, TWENTY WANT MONEY TO BUY EXTRA THINGS FOR THEMSELVES. THEY SEE NOTHING BUT THEMSELVES. THEY LEARN NOTHING FROM THIS. INSTEAD, THE ANGELS LEARN DISSATISFACTION AND REBELLION FROM THEM."

"They need more time," Jesus said. "We are only just beginning to guide them. I know there are problems, but we can solve them."

"NO." The Father straightened on his throne. His eyes burned and the light of His presence, always awesome, now became terrible as well. The throne seemed to rise as the desk and its contents fell away. "THIS IS DONE. IT DOES NOT WORK. IT IS NOT WHAT THEY NEED."

"Father..." Jesus protested, prepared to beg for the ones He ministered to.

"NO," the Almighty repeated. "THIS NEVER HAPPENED. WE DID NOT SPEAK TO THEM DIRECTLY. THEY DID NOT SPEAK TO US THROUGH THEIR BIBLES. A FEW OF THEM WILL REMEMBER IT, BUT ONLY AS A STORY THEY ONCE READ. IT WAS NEVER REAL."

And His Word was Law.

The Cell Phone Bible, Part IX

Idea courtesy of apostate, who found the 'What if...?' text in his Facebook feed. If you're coming in late, you can start at Part I.

IX. Sacred Love
Latisha smiled as Jesus greeted her. She knew it was Jesus and not one of the angels, though she was happy to talk to them, too. She recognized her Savior's voice.

"Good afternoon, Lord." She was smiling as she spoke; she always smiled when she talked to Heaven. Latisha knew absolutely that her Savior loved her, and the idea that she was living at a time when she could speak with Him directly never failed to excite her. Oh, there were disappointments - He refused to say just how soon the world would end and the Judgement would come, among other things - but Latisha never complained. She trusted her Lord absolutely. Whatever His plan might be, she knew she would be happy with it. Even if she didn't always understand His ways, the Lord knew what was best for her. "I was just wondering... would it be better to get the groceries this morning, while Joey's at school, or wait until after and take him with me?"

"Latisha..." There was a slight pause, and Latisha had the impression that her Savior was pursing his lips in a slightly puzzled fashion. "When you do your grocery shopping isn't any of My business. As far as Heaven is concerned, it... well, it doesn't matter. It doesn't affect your salvation. It doesn't have anything to do with how you treat other people, or with how you love your God."

"Yes, Lord," she replied. "But when do you think I should do it?"

As a devoted Christian, Latisha was committed to living her life in complete accordance with the will of Jesus, following God's Grand Plan for her life. In her youth, she'd spent an awful lot of time thinking and praying and reading the Bible, trying to figure out what she needed to do in order to follow the plan. For the last week, she'd been able to ask Jesus directly - and it had saved her so much time. All to His glory, of course; the time she saved, she put back into into praising His name and doing His work. So the idea that there were parts of her life that didn't require His guidance was... incomprehensible.

"I think you should use your own judgement, Latisha." Jesus' voice was warm, loving. There wasn't a hint of reproach anywhere in it. If the Redeemer had, hypothetically, ducked out of the normal flow of time to grind His exalted teeth in frustration for a couple of not-really-minutes, there was nothing to indicate it.

"I'll do my best, Lord," said Latisha. She was still waiting to hear when he wanted her to get the groceries. The Almighty did things in His own time, but He loved her and always had an answer for her.

"Get them this morning," said Jesus, finally. "The lines will be shorter."

"Thank you Lord," said Latisha. "Praise be to You. Use me as You would." Satisfied, she reached out and closed her Bible with a gentle, reverent movement.

* * *

"How many times was that?" asked the Metatron, who was standing outside the station where Jesus had just been speaking with Latisha.

"So far?" Jesus shook his head. "Three today. Eighteen, yesterday."

The Metatron shook its head. "That is not the sort of guidance we intended to give."

"You're telling me." Jesus looked around, wishing - yet again - that he could draw a deep breath. "I wanted followers, not puppets. People who would spread the good news, who would love God and love their neighbors as themselves. Not slaves to every little detail of My will. And these sorts of questions are so trivial... If Our resources were limited, they'd be a real problem. We'd never be able to get anything important done."

"Many of their questions are trivial," the Metatron agreed, "but have You looked at their requests?"

"Their...?" Jesus let his reply trail off, because as soon as He considered, He knew what the Metatron was referring to. Oh, no, he thought. Oh, no, no, no. This is not going to go over well at all...

The Name of the Blog

Another thing I noticed in the search logs was that someone actually did a search on "nagamakironin" - which is the distinctive part of the URL for this blog, but probably incomprehensible to anyone without a background as... odd... as mine. So, since some of you might be curious, I think I'll take a moment to explain.

When I first started this blog, I didn't really have a clear idea of what I was going to do with it.[1] So I was casting around for possible names, but several of my first ideas were already taken.[2] So I decided to try something obscure enough that there was essentially no chance that anybody else was already using it. "Nagamakironin" was what I came up with, and I was right: nobody else was using it.

It's actually two words. "Ronin" is a masterless Samurai, as some of you doubtless knew already. Their masterless status puts them oddly outside of the accepted feudal structure, and you can find them characterized as noble and independent heroes, base and untrustworthy villains, or anything between - depending mostly on who's telling the story. (Well, and on how corrupt the local Samurai were thought to be.)

The first word, "nagamaki," translates roughly as "long wrap." It's a kind of weapon. Years ago, I saw a picture of a bunch of Samurai sitting together in full armor. Most of them had swords, but not all. I think one had a spear ("yari"), but the one that really caught my eye was holding a... well, it looked like a katana, except that the hilt was almost exactly the same length as the blade. It took me years to find out what that was called, but it's a nagamaki:

The name - "long wrap" - can arguably refer to either the fact that the handle is wrapped like a katana, or to one of the primary motions you use with the weapon. (I've never found anyone who's really sure which is correct, or whether it's a bit of both, but as you can see in the picture the hilt is not always wrapped. Sometimes it's lacquered, more like a polearm would be.) It's an odd sort of in-between weapon, either a long-handled saber or a short-hafted polearm, and apparently it was used historically both by front-line troops and on horseback. It passed out of general use somewhere in the 1200s, if I recall correctly.

Anyway, taken together the title in the URL - Nagamaki Ronin - is a nod to the main character of my Great Unpublished Pulp Fantasy Novel (world building | further notes). Cat is an outsider and a bit of a loner, studying at a martial school, and the navic (essentially a nagamaki) is his preferred weapon. And, yes, I need to get back to working on the second draft of that...

And so but anyway, that's why I have the URL that I do.

Incidentally, the nagamaki isn't the only weapon to have that half blade/half handle set of proportions. There's an equivalent in the Chinese martial arts, which is usually marketed as a "pudao", though "huyadao" would be more historically accurate. There seem to be some European equivalents also, including some with straight, double-edge blades, but it's even harder to find reliable information about them; they don't seem to have been very common.

---

[1] I was thinking, if I remember correctly, "What the hell, maybe it'll help me build what the Publishing industry refers to as a 'platform', and garner some readers in case I ever get published."

[2] "Militant Agnostic" is the one I particularly remember. In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't name the blog that. It would have been oddly off-key for what this blog has actually become.

There will be a slight delay...

So... Secondborn woke up.

This would be fine in most circumstances. Unfortunately, in this particular case he woke up at about two in the morning. Screaming. And when we picked him up, he screamed even more. When we tried to put him back down, he screamed louder. When we tried to give him Tyenol, he screamed and sobbed.

This is not the sort of thing that's conducive to a good night's sleep, or to general health and sanity.

This is also an inevitable and inescapable part of being a parent. If you have children, this will happen to you, and rather more than once. That's one of the reasons that I get a bit infuriated when someone starts insisting that children are in all times and circumstances an unlimited, unequivocal blessing; but never mind that.

Our best guess at present is that it's an ear infection. The Rampaging Toddler usually sleeps quite well[1], and the fact that he screamed louder any time he wasn't upright is a pretty good (though not absolutely reliable) indicator.

So the next two entries in The Cell Phone Bible[2] will be late, owing to a massive lack of uninterrupted sleep. At this rate, I probably won't have them ready until early next week. Sorry 'bout that. (Blame the baby. I do.)

[1] When he's not rampaging, of course.
[2] They'll also be the last two entries in The Cell Phone Bible, unless something completely irresistible occurs to me in the meantime.