Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Notes from the Mad Science Lab: Self-heating Tea

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to my newest invention. Here at the Mad Science Laboratory, we are fully committed to our ongoing efforts to improve your quality of life. So, in the spirit of making cold weather just a little bit easier to endure, I am proud to present my latest effort: self-heating tea.

How many times have you taken your child out to the playground in winter, and found yourself wishing you had a nice cup of steaming-hot tea with you? Or perhaps you were wishing that the cup you'd brought along wasn't already lukewarm, and well along the way to becoming iced tea? Well, I'm proud to say that I have the answer to your woes.

Just insert a bag of self-heating tea into a cup of water. As you can see, my min- erm, my assistant Gregory is using metal tongs and latex gloves to ensure that the moisture from his fingers doesn't activate the effect prematurely. I have assured Gregory that these precautions are unnecessary, but since he keeps muttering about his predecessor, Jim, and the purely coincidental matter of Spontaneous Human Combustion, I have graciously decided to humor him.

There we go. Note the slight bubbling of the water, and now you can see the steam rising... lovely. See how it darkens as the tea steeps? Excellent. Those of you watching remotely will not be able to smell the refreshing aroma, but I assure you it is now permeating the testing chamber.

Self-heating tea will remain hot for nearly four hours, or until it is placed in an environment - such as your stomach - where the ambient temperature consistently exceeds 35.4 degrees Celsius, or 96 degrees Fahrenheit. And the flavor? Gregory, please sample the tea and tell us what you think.

What? You don't want to sample the tea? Gregory, this is a live demonstration before an international audience. Yes, there were some glitches during the testing process, but do you really think I'd let you drink that if there was even the slightest chance of immolation? That's right, go on...

There. You see, ladies and gentlemen? Gregory is fine, and the tea is...? "Tasty and refreshing." Very good, Gregory. Yes, all right, you may go now.

So there you have it. Self-heating tea: one more way in which Mad Science is making life better for everyone.


  1. Perfectly fine, I assure you. In fact, he remains refreshed by his single, over-cautious sip of self-heating tea. Really, there's no reason to worry.

    ...Though I suppose that if he hasn't come out of his room in another hour or two, I shall have to go and look in on him.

  2. Where's a "like" button when you need it? Hee!

  3. This is actually kind of eerie. I was working at an outdoor movie shoot in the Chicago area yesterday, and once all the coffee was cold, I said "Someone needs to invent the opposite of ice cubes." I guess this is a start.

  4. And how many assistants have you gone through in developing this fine new product? My ... source... of assistants for you is low on stock, oh-- and there's the small issue of Gregory's family.. um, you know what, just come over and check it out. Bring Gregory, in a Teflon sack.

  5. Oh, man, I really really want a way to do this. Especially at restaurants which serve warmish water and a tea bag. No! The water must be *boiling* until just before you put in the tea!


Feel free to leave comments; it lets me know that people are actually reading my blog. Interesting tangents and topic drift just add flavor. Linking to your own stuff is fine, as long as it's at least loosely relevant. Be civil, and have fun!