Whole entire week

I am... 

I am... 

I am not with it right now. I'm not getting enough sleep; I'm not getting enough done on my projects. (I don't even know how much is "enough" at this point, I just know it should be more than "barely anything".) I can't even tell if I'm unwell, or if I'm just exhausted/depressed/burned out by the relentless parade of horrors that is 2020. Maybe that's not even a valid distinction anymore. 

I'm tired of being on lockdown and still having to go to work. I'm tired of my co-workers failing to properly distance and/or wear masks. (They do, but it's... half-assed. Not helpful.) I'm tired of police gratuitously murdering people that they're supposed to protect; I am absolutely sick of the almost complete lack of consequences that inevitably follows. I am tired of watching our federal government studiously ignore climate change and treat our pandemic response as a matter of public relations. I'm tired of seeing people try to normalize the fact that we're galloping further and further into fascism, and I'm desperately tired of the ones who think this is a good thing.

I'm tired of people. 

I'm... 

I feel like I need to stop, but... Everything just keeps grinding on, you know? The family needs to be fed on  a regular basis. The boys need to be in school, on time, paying attention. Things keep needing to be fixed at work, and if they don't need to be fixed then they probably need to be upgraded. And I don't have the brain cells I need to really work on it, though I keep trying anyway. So everything feels like it's one step forward, two steps back. 

Anybody got an old wardrobe with a passage to another world in the back? At this point, facing off against an evil queen and her armies and magics would at least offer a concrete goal to focus on. A land locked in eternal winter would actually be trading up right now.