Parenting Quests

Me: "All right, I guess it's time to make breakfast for the boys. I'll scramble some eggs."

Gnomish old man by the stove: "To cook eggs, you will need a clean pan. Take this pan, find the legendary Sink of Dishwashing, and there you can turn this dirty pan into the clean pan you need."

Me: "Who are you and why are you in my kitchen?"

Gnomish old man by the stove: "Just go with it. Adventure awaits!"

Me: "Okay, fine."

::takes pan to the sink::

Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "Alas! The Sink of Dishwashing has been corrupted!"
Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "Dirty dishes are everywhere and there is no room for cleaning pans!"
Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "Can nobody save us from this doom?"

Me: "Who are you and why are you in my kitchen?"

Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "I used to be an adventurer like you, until I took an arrow to the flipper."

Me: "Okay, fine, whatever."

Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "Perhaps if some of these dishes were taken to Cave of Cleaning, there would be room to scrub your pan."
Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "Also, the whole place would look a lot nicer."

Me: "Cave of Cleaning? You mean the dishwasher?"

Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "I speak of a magical cave, from whence dirty dishes emerge... clean!"

Me: "That's a dishwasher. Okay, fine, whatever."

::opens dishwasher::

Anthropomorphic Turtle in the Cave of Cleaning dishwasher: "Greetings, and welcome to the Cave of Cleaning!"

Me: "Oh, dear ye immortal gods... Who are you, and what are you doing in my dishwasher?"
Me: "Also, how are you alive in there?"

Anthropomorphic Turtle in the dishwasher: "I am the Keeper of the Cave of Cleaning."

Me: "Well, good. 'Cause I need to clean some things."

Anthropomorphic Turtle in the dishwasher: "Sadly, we cannot help you this day. As you can see, the Cave of Cleaning is already full!"

::looks closer::

Me: "These dishes are clean."

Anthropomorphic Turtle in the dishwasher: "Of course! For that is what the Cave of Cleaning is for!"

Me: "So really, all I have to do is put these away."

Anthropomorphic Turtle in the dishwasher: "You would undertake such a quest? Truly you are a brave and gallant man."

Me: "Fine, sure, whatever."

::unloads dishwasher::

Anthropomorphic Turtle in the dishwasher: "Behold! Our champion returns triumphant!"

Me: "Well, don't get too relaxed. I've got another load incoming."

::loads dishwasher::
::starts dishwasher::
::decides not to worry about what happens to the turtle when we reach the heated drying cycle::

Anthropomorphic Frog next to the sink: "Joy and praise! We are saved!"

Me: "Yeah, fine, you're welcome."

::cleans pan::
::dries pan::
::sets pan on stove::

Gnomish old man by the stove: "I see you fared well on your quest! Congratulations and well done!"
Gnomish old man by the stove: "To scramble eggs, you must seek the Cave of Cold and retrieve eggs and possibly some grated cheddar."

Me: "Refrigerator. It's a refrigerator."

::opens refrigerator::
::spies anthropomorphic mouse in a little hat inside::
::closes refrigerator::
::sighs deeply::
::opens refrigerator::

Mouse in a little hat: "Welcome to the Cave of Cold!"
Mouse in a little hat: "All manner of wonders lie inside."
Mouse in a little hat: "But there are great dangers as well!"
Mouse in a little hat: "Dare you brave the depths?"

Me: "..."
Me: "..."
Me: "Who are you and what... no, never mind."

::grabs eggs and cheese::

Mouse in a little hat: "Bold and skillful!"
Mouse in a little hat: "At last, an adventurer worthy of the name!"

Me: "Yeah, I can lift a bag of shredded cheese in one hand. It's very impressive."

::closes refrigerator::
::scrambles eggs with cheese mixed in::
::sets food on table::

Me: "Boys! Come and eat!"

Boys: "Thanks! But why did it take so long?"