Me: "COOK ALL THE BACON!"
Firstborn: "Ooooh. With my one working nostril, I smell bacon!"
Me: "That is because I am COOKING THE BACON."
Firstborn: "Mmmm. Bacon."
Me: "Step away from the bacon."
Firstborn: "..."
Me: "..."
Firstborn: "STEAL ALL THE BACON! I am THE BACON THIEF!"
Me: "You have stolen my freshly-cooked bacon. I can never forgive you for this."
Firstborn: ::munching sounds retreating rapidly into the distance::
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