You know, when I first started writing these reflections, I opened with some thoughts on how exciting it was to be living in expectation of the end of the world. I didn't realize just how close to it I really was... But then, I hadn't realized everything that the end of world could mean until tonight. It doesn't have to be the physical destruction of the planet Earth, or even the horrific death of what we laughably consider the "higher" life forms. The world can end in all sorts of ways.
Take tonight, for example. Claire went to class, and she was going to stay after - she said she found some people to study with.
So, while I had the opportunity, I summoned... an entity... to watch for me, and sent it over to watch one of the snake cultists who tried to kill me on the Mo Pac. The timing was perfect: I caught him in his apartment. Not only that, but both of the others were there, talking with him, and none of them seemed to notice my spy. The only thing that would have made it better is if they had been alone, but of course they weren't.
Claire was there with them.
And they were talking as if they'd known her a very long time.
As if she were part of the Snake Cult. As if they suspected her of warning me that about their attack. She denied it, of course. And now my world is over. There might have been more to learn, but I called my spy back and dispelled it.
All the lights are off in our apartment. I'm typing entirely by the light of the monitor. When Claire comes home... well, I'm honestly not sure what I'll do. I don't... I can't process this. I can't make it make sense. Claire belongs to the snake cult?
But she does. She has all along. And I'm a fool.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, the Whisperers will take me before she comes home. I've betrayed my fellow believers; I know that now. Even if I never told her anything, her cult must have learned who I knew and who I visited. Maybe that's even why we're at war: the two of us living together must have made people on both sides very nervous. It's easy to picture our fellow worshipers deciding that one or the other of us must have switched allegiances. Or maybe they just weren't sure, and someone started killing people to find out. I could see that, too.
Someone always gets impatient. The end of the world always comes too soon.