Monday, August 9, 2010

This happens when you legalize gay marriage

You know, I woke up the other morning feeling a lot less married than usual, but it wasn't 'til I checked the news and found that Prop 8 had been overturned that I realized what had happened. My wife suggested that maybe we should try getting married again, to strengthen the bond before our union shattered completely.

The real shock was when that unit of paramilitary homosexuals (they have the most fabulous uniforms) parachuted into the sanctuary at our church and forced the priest to perform gay marriages at gunpoint.

Then the zombie velociraptors showed up and started eating everybody. That was about the point where I realized I was still dreaming.

Turns out I'm still just as married as ever, and the legal recognition of gay marriage has no goddamn effect at all on my life. Funny thing, that.


  1. *sigh*

    You mock a very serious problem, Michael. If gay marriage is legal, every Republican man is going to stop pretending and just marry another man. If that happens, where will we get new Republicans?!

  2. Republicans don't reproduce, they recruit.

  3. Yeah, from their own litters... oh, and drug rehab clinics.

  4. Bret - you say all of this as if it were a BAD thing!

    if all the republicans go gay, than by all the gods, we can REBUILD the republican party and have it follow REPUBLICAN VALUES! the ones that got lost in the late 70s/early 80s
    [for instance - used to be REPUBLICANS that were for things like integration, abortion, birth control...]

  5. I just read this aloud to Teh Hubby and Teh Brother. Much snorfing and giggling ensued, and you were unanimously declared "brilliant".

  6. These days, I don't think we have much need for Republicans or Democrats. I think it should be Libertarians and Socialists, and maybe once the yuppies die off, it will be.


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