Animal crackers? There are no animal crackers. What do you mean, why are there no animal crackers? Well, I know perfectly well that neither of you boys would bring animal crackers into the living room, so clearly there has been some sort of perfectly-natural animal-cracker migration. In fact, clearly it turned into a stampede, and in the rush to escape the kitchen a great many animal crackers were crushed. How do I know this? Well, there are animal cracker body parts and stray crumbs all over the the living room floor, two of our blankets, and a small section of the couch. Clearly, there is only one conclusion that we can sensibly draw from the evidence before us, and that is that at some time this afternoon there was some sort of animal cracker migration that culminated in an animal cracker stampede.
Where are the animal crackers now? Why, I've no idea. No doubt some intrepid and determined future archaeologist will someday discover the Lost Graveyard Of The Animal Crackers, but today is not that day. And until that day, we simply have no way to know. I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but the animal crackers are simply... gone. They have burst their cages and escaped into the hinterlands. They will not return.
...Though I might get them out tomorrow night if people can remember not to eat them in the living room.
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