Right, so, we're back -- and, as predicted, happy and refreshed, though it seems clear in hindsight that "coherent" was asking a bit too much. How was our trip? In a word: awesome. So, I'd like to fill in a few things that might have been missing from last week's explanatory email:
1. It turns out we were actually flying on Spirit airlines. Spirit's business strategy is to sell their plane tickets really, really cheap -- and then charge the everlovin' snot out of you for everything they possibly can. Want to choose your seats? That's an additional charge. Carry-on luggage? Additional charge. Checked luggage? Big additional charge. Drinks or snacks on board? It'll cost you. (If you read their literature, they're very insistent that they actually do this for your benefit -- after all, you only pay for the things you want!) Fortunately, we discovered this before we packed, so we were able to limit ourselves to sub-carry-on baggage. Five days worth of clothing in a case small enough to qualify as a "personal carried item": it can be done.
2. It turns out we were actually staying at the Cosmopolitan. We had a lovely, lovely room with a balcony that overlooked the Bellagio's fountains. Now, I wouldn't ordinarily consider polyamory -- nothing against it, it's just not for me -- but by the second day we were seriously considering making the giant bathtub and the walk-in shower full partners in our marriage. We did a fair amount of just hanging out in that room, trying to come to grips with the fact that we didn't have to be anywhere or be doing anything. I think it took us two days (and in my wife's case, a massage) before that really sank in. There was also a pool area with a hot tub, and we made good use of that, too.
3. Neither of us likes to gamble, so we saw some shows instead. (The end result is the same -- you go home with less money than you arrived with -- but we actually got something in exchange for our money.) We saw Zombie Burlesque and Absinthe and I would recommend them both very highly. Zombie Burlesque was exactly what it sounds like, corny and fun and funny, with singing and dancing zombies, wise-cracking zombies, a humans-versus-zombie rendition of the newlywed game, and an instructive dance to explain the mating habits of Jello and vodka. Absinthe was... how to describe it? Absinthe was what you might get if you took a Cirque du Soleil performance and shrank it down to fit in a circus tent, so that the performers were right there on a small round stage in the middle of the audience, and then dipped the whole thing in Raunchy Sauce. The host was a perfect distillation of the quintessential Vegas Asshole, from the rumpled suit to the slicked-back hair to the sleazy demeanor; he was also hilarious. And his assistant was a sort Manic Pixie Dream Girl Of Smut. I don't think I've laughed that hard in at least three years. We also went downtown and saw the Freemont Street Experience (in daylight, though, so arguably we only got the experience and not the Experience), and visited the Mob Museum.
All in all, it was a great time -- and the Beautiful Wife and I were long overdue for that sort of vacation.