Me: "Have you brushed your teeth yet?"
Firstborn: "No. Why are you asking me that?"
Me: "Because fifteen minutes ago I came in here and asked if you could pause your game in a couple of minutes and go brush your teeth. Do you remember that?"
Me: "It's my fault. I should have just made you do it then, when I was thinking about it and I had your attention. Or maybe I need to-- crush yer heed!"
Firstborn: (batting my hands away from his skull) "My head?"
Me: (dropping hands) "No, no, I should have made you do it then."
Me: "But I could still crush your head!"
Firstborn: (lowering his head towards my belly) "If you're going to crush my head, there's something I have to first."
Me: "Does this thing... involve... my belly?"
Me: "Then you must not do it!"
Firstborn: "I have to do it! Or! The world will end!"
Me: "No! Go brush your teeth! I do not want to crush your head!"
Firstborn: "I have to!"
Me: "Away! Away from my belly! Go! Teeth! Brush!"
Me: "No--" (pause) "Okay, stop. I have to write this down."
Me: "Really. I have to write this down."
And then I ran here, to my laptop. Firstborn still hasn't brushed his teeth, though.