Parenting: Head vs Belly

Me: "Have you brushed your teeth yet?"

Firstborn: "No. Why are you asking me that?"

Me: "Because fifteen minutes ago I came in here and asked if you could pause your game in a couple of minutes and go brush your teeth. Do you remember that?"

Firstborn: "No."

Me: "It's my fault. I should have just made you do it then, when I was thinking about it and I had your attention. Or maybe I need to-- crush yer heed!"

Firstborn: (batting my hands away from his skull) "My head?"

Me: (dropping hands) "No, no, I should have made you do it then."

(Pause.)

Me: "But I could still crush your head!"

Firstborn: (lowering his head towards my belly) "If you're going to crush my head, there's something I have to first."

Me: "Does this thing... involve... my belly?"

Firstborn: "Yes!"

Me: "Then you must not do it!"

Firstborn: "I have to do it! Or! The world will end!"

Me: "No! Go brush your teeth! I do not want to crush your head!"

Firstborn: "I have to!"

Me: "Away! Away from my belly! Go! Teeth! Brush!"

Firstborn: "Belly!"

Me: "No--" (pause) "Okay, stop. I have to write this down."

Firstborn: "What?"

Me: "Really. I have to write this down."

And then I ran here, to my laptop. Firstborn still hasn't brushed his teeth, though.