"This Disney DVD has been enhanced with Disney's Fast Play."
Oh God, oh no, where's the remote where's the remote WHERE'S THE REMOTE???
"Your movie and a selection of bonus features-"
DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT!!!
"-will begin automatically."
Remote! Where?! Couch? Shelf? GIVE ME THE REMOTE!
"To bypass Fast Play, select the Main Menu button at any time."
I'm trying, you idiotic automated message, just give me a firk ding blast minute to find the-
"Fast Play will begin in a moment."
Oh no, oh no, it's too late, HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL NOOOOOOOOOOO!"