Notes from the Mad Science Lab: Nanotech Barbershop

Some days things just go from bad to worse.

I decided that I kind of like being bald. It's such a simple, no-nonsense fashion. Plus, if you can pull it off, it looks kind of evil - a definite asset in my line of work. The problem is that if you're not naturally bald, staying bald takes time and effort - time and effort that could be better spent on, say, building a better freeze ray.

The solution? Nanites. Microscopic machines, custom-designed to maintain their energy by consuming my hair. It's like having a million tiny, invisible barbers working constantly to keep my head clean.

So this morning, I tested them.

The good news: they work. The bit of hair that I'd grown back is now completely gone.

The bad news: they work. My eyebrows are gone, too. So are my eyelashes. And... well... everything else, too. Which is weird, but nowhere near as annoying as blinking without eyelashes. I had no idea how wrong that would feel.

The worse news: The nanites can apparently eat any sort of keratin. Bye-bye fingernails... and then toenails...

The worst news: Fifteen minutes in, they started eating tooth enamel as well. That's not even remotely the same substance, so it has to be a replication error.

I hit the Flush button at that point - harder than you'd think with no fingernails. (Typing is no great joy either, I might add.) Fortunately, whatever that replication error was, it didn't render them immune to the cleanser. Unfortunately, I need to come up with a way to artificially replace my tooth enamel so I can eat and drink. Even opening my mouth is unpleasant. So that'll be this afternoon's project.

After that, I'll go back to the old-fashioned method of staying bald: a full-size robot barber. It's less elegant, but it'll be much more reliable. At least, as long as I don't put that hunter-seeker chip in by mistake...