I cannot trust my little boy

For Secondborn, age 16 months:
I cannot trust my little boy.
I cannot trust him with a toy.
I cannot trust him up or down
In the car, around the town.

I cannot trust him on a stair.
I cannot trust him in the air.
I cannot trust him on a bed.
He might fall off onto his head.

I cannot trust him near the sink.
Who knows what he might try to drink?
I cannot trust him on the floor.
I cannot trust him near the door.

I have to chase him here and there.
I follow that boy everywhere.
He has no hint of self-restraint.
The things he does make me feel faint.

For Firstborn, who has suddenly (like, three days ago) acquired a morbid fear of darkness, being alone, and his parents ever actually getting anything done:
(NSFW - use headphones)