When I become Emperor

I was trying to put together a list of the thing that I will do when I become Emperor. The first one, of course, is to pass a law forbidding radio DJs to say anything beyond names of the song, band, and radio station; a one sentence / twelve word lead in may be added once every half hour.

I think the second one will mandate that any major political or religious figure who gets outed after making a career of opposing gay rights will be stripped of wealth and status and forced to spend the rest of his life apologizing.

Also, I will forbid the use of the phrase "take _____ to the next level" under penalty of maiming.

Private gun ownership will become illegal (I may consider a special dispensation for serious collectors). Police and military will retain their firearms; everyone else will have to make do with swords. However, swords and knives may now be worn legally. Also, all vehicles will now be required to come equipped with a sheath suitable for bladed weapons.

All motorized vehicles will be required to have a muffler that actually keeps them quiet. Violators will have their vehicles pounded into junk by neighbors, or - if no neighbors are sufficiently irritated - by the secret police.

Schools and Libraries will actually get funding.

I'm sure I'll think of others - the possibilities for professional sports alone are dizzying - but that's enough to get us started. What would you do if you were Emperor?