Opening with Concrete Blonde, because yes:
Monday, October 14, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Alas, Poor Derek
When I was in fifth grade I had a friend named Derek. Big kid, though not especially athletic, outgoing in a way that I sometimes found a little too loud, but overall he wasn't an especially bad guy.
I still don't know where the snake came from. I'm not entirely sure what the snake was. At the time, we thought it was a boa constrictor. It was definitely albino, with white scales and pink eyes, and it didn't have any fangs; it was about the length of Derek's arm. We found it under a bush after school one day, and after the usual enlightened discussion of the various possibilities ("Keep it!" "Kill it!" "Let it go!" "Put it Becca's room and wait for the screams!") Derek decided to take it home. I went with him, because I had a slight crush on his older sister Becca, and if he left it in her room I was going to charge in and save her.
By the time we got there, Derek had decided to keep it as a pet. He took it down to the basement and put it in an old, empty fish tank, and we found some dirt and rocks and sticks to kind of fill in the landscape.
He kept that snake in the basement for something like three months. At first he was feeding it bugs; later it was mice and rats. He got real possessive about it, too. He didn't like for other people to know about it, even me. I think I saw it twice in that whole time. It was bigger each time, but I didn't think anything about that. He was feeding it, after all. I asked him about it a week or so into summer vacation, and I must have caught him at just the right moment, because he admitted that it had gotten too big for the fish tank and he had let it out.
I thought that meant he had taken it outside and let it go, but... no.
It was maybe a week after that when Becca vanished. I missed the worst of it -- I think my parents kept me away -- but it must have been horrible. And then, a few days later, she just... turned back up. They found her sitting in her room, like nothing was wrong. She wouldn't tell them what had happened; she didn't say much at all. The confident, assertive Becca I remembered was still gone; this Becca was quiet, unintrusive, and placid. I didn't like her at all; she was too agreeable.
I snuck down to the basement sometime after that -- days, weeks, I don't remember. The fish tank was empty, of course, and there wasn't any sign of the snake. I still thought Derek had turned it loose outside. Who knows? Maybe he did.
But right around the beginning of sixth grade, Becca vanished again -- and this time, her mother vanished with her. Derek's dad just about lost his mind, or maybe he did lose his mind. Derek came to stay with us for a few days, and when I finally walked him back home he refused to let me come inside. It was just him and his dad, then, and four months later it wasn't even that: Derek never came back to school after Christmas break. By the time anybody thought to check on him, there was just an empty house. None of the adults talked about it much; everyone seemed to think that Derek and his dad had just moved away.
CJ, though, swore up and down that he'd seen Derek's mom come walking back up to the door. He said it was just after dark, and she was bare-assed naked. CJ was a terrible liar, though, so who knows? But if it was true, well, that was the last time anybody saw Derek or his family.
I still don't know where the snake came from. I'm not entirely sure what the snake was. At the time, we thought it was a boa constrictor. It was definitely albino, with white scales and pink eyes, and it didn't have any fangs; it was about the length of Derek's arm. We found it under a bush after school one day, and after the usual enlightened discussion of the various possibilities ("Keep it!" "Kill it!" "Let it go!" "Put it Becca's room and wait for the screams!") Derek decided to take it home. I went with him, because I had a slight crush on his older sister Becca, and if he left it in her room I was going to charge in and save her.
By the time we got there, Derek had decided to keep it as a pet. He took it down to the basement and put it in an old, empty fish tank, and we found some dirt and rocks and sticks to kind of fill in the landscape.
He kept that snake in the basement for something like three months. At first he was feeding it bugs; later it was mice and rats. He got real possessive about it, too. He didn't like for other people to know about it, even me. I think I saw it twice in that whole time. It was bigger each time, but I didn't think anything about that. He was feeding it, after all. I asked him about it a week or so into summer vacation, and I must have caught him at just the right moment, because he admitted that it had gotten too big for the fish tank and he had let it out.
I thought that meant he had taken it outside and let it go, but... no.
It was maybe a week after that when Becca vanished. I missed the worst of it -- I think my parents kept me away -- but it must have been horrible. And then, a few days later, she just... turned back up. They found her sitting in her room, like nothing was wrong. She wouldn't tell them what had happened; she didn't say much at all. The confident, assertive Becca I remembered was still gone; this Becca was quiet, unintrusive, and placid. I didn't like her at all; she was too agreeable.
I snuck down to the basement sometime after that -- days, weeks, I don't remember. The fish tank was empty, of course, and there wasn't any sign of the snake. I still thought Derek had turned it loose outside. Who knows? Maybe he did.
But right around the beginning of sixth grade, Becca vanished again -- and this time, her mother vanished with her. Derek's dad just about lost his mind, or maybe he did lose his mind. Derek came to stay with us for a few days, and when I finally walked him back home he refused to let me come inside. It was just him and his dad, then, and four months later it wasn't even that: Derek never came back to school after Christmas break. By the time anybody thought to check on him, there was just an empty house. None of the adults talked about it much; everyone seemed to think that Derek and his dad had just moved away.
CJ, though, swore up and down that he'd seen Derek's mom come walking back up to the door. He said it was just after dark, and she was bare-assed naked. CJ was a terrible liar, though, so who knows? But if it was true, well, that was the last time anybody saw Derek or his family.
Halloween Music: Zombie Love
It's true that I don't generally think of zombies as, well, having a lot of romantic potential.
I... may have been wrong about that.
I... may have been wrong about that.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Flu Shots
We got flu shots for the whole family back on Tuesday. Getting a flu shot inevitably makes me spend the next two or three days feeling as if I've actually gotten the flu - though, admittedly, a very mild and temporary case. I'm not entirely sure how that's possible, since the stuff in the shot is supposed to be denatured, but it happens just about every single time. I suppose it could be psychosomatic, but I don't think so: this year in particular, I keep forgetting that I just got a flu shot, and then wondering why I feel so yucky. Alternatively, I suppose I could just happen to come down with something right after I get a flu shot, but again: it happens essentially every time, and that seems to be stretching the fabric of probability more than a little bit.
This year, we also learned that if you're a three-year-old boy, having a needle stuck in your arm isn't a big deal at all. By contrast, not being allowed to play with the trucks in Daddy's office until after you get your shot? That's cause for a full-scale emotional meltdown. Seriously, we got done with Secondborn's shot, he checked his arm to make sure they'd put the band-aid on, and then he turned to me and asked, "Twucks now, Daddy?"
This year, we also learned that if you're a three-year-old boy, having a needle stuck in your arm isn't a big deal at all. By contrast, not being allowed to play with the trucks in Daddy's office until after you get your shot? That's cause for a full-scale emotional meltdown. Seriously, we got done with Secondborn's shot, he checked his arm to make sure they'd put the band-aid on, and then he turned to me and asked, "Twucks now, Daddy?"
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Halloween Music: Die Apokalyptischen Reiter
Because German metal bands make everything better...
I'm still waiting for a German metal band to cover "Killing Me Softly", though.
I'm still waiting for a German metal band to cover "Killing Me Softly", though.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Halloween Music: Brain-Eating Edition
This may or may not be related to the current state of my own brain... (I'm going to try to have content again soon; right now I'm still recuperating.)
"You'd be doing him a favor if you brought him to me. He ain't using his brain, he's just watching T.V."
Update: In the comments, Rhoadan suggests this video instead. It's definitely worth a look.
"You'd be doing him a favor if you brought him to me. He ain't using his brain, he's just watching T.V."
Update: In the comments, Rhoadan suggests this video instead. It's definitely worth a look.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)