Transcribed audiorecording of myself, June, 2015:
00:03: "No, you cannot go in the back yard until you at least put on some underpants."
01:20: "Not on your head. Put them on the way you're supposed to."
02:25: "Wait, those are your brother's underpants. You can't even cross the room without them falling off."
02:30: "See? They fell off. Now find some that fit."
02:50: "No, not mine. Put my underwear back on my shelf and go get your own."
02:55: "The shelf, not your head."
03:47: "What? Of course you have underpants. They're right here in your... where is your underpants bin? Did you take it off the shelf? Did you hide it?"
04:32: "Fine. Sure. Of course it wandered over and took a nap under the blankets on your brother's top bunk all by itself. Underwear bins do that all the time. Now, do you want to go outside or not? Because aside from that one mitten, you're still naked."
05:00: "Oh, look. Real underwear, and you're wearing them... well, backwards, but close enough. Now you may go outside."
25:14: "Where did your underpants go? No, the tree did *not* eat them. Where are they? And why did you take them off?"
26:37: "So why didn't you just come inside, where we have flushing toilets and toilet paper? No, you know what -- never mind. Don't tell me. I don't even want to know. Just stand there until I finish hosing you down, and then put the underpants back on."
30:12: (muttering) "And yet, if I duct-tape them to his body, somehow I'm the bad guy..."