Me: "That's not a cockroach. That's a cricket. He doesn't even want to be in our house. And unlike a spider, there's absolutely no chance that he's venomous. So what we do is, we pick him up very carefully, like this. See how I'm holding my hand, so he's trapped but he isn't squished? Then we take him to the door, and toss him into the grass."
Firstborn: "So he's a grass-type Pokemon who only knows the move Bounce."
Me: "Pretty much."