If I yell boo...

So, at one point this past weekend I went for a long walk, at night, and wound up in a playground. I'd chosen it as a destination because the last time we brought the boys here, there was a teenager up in the tower, texting to his friends about how terrible and unfair his parents were. (I'm guessing.) It seemed like a good place to come for some privacy. So I'm sitting in the tower of the play equipment, sipping from my flask ("It's dangerous to go alone. Take this.") and trying to decide if I'm ready to make the long walk back.

While I'm sitting there, a car pulls into the parking lot, finds a space, and parks. There's a certain amount of moving around inside, along with people using their iPhones as flashlights. I'm too far away to make out any details, and anyway I don't much care what's going on.

Then, about twenty minutes later, I hear a door open. Two figures emerge: a girl and a boy. The girl is slim, attractive, in a black t-shirt and shorts; the guy is taller, probably twice my size, and wearing a white shirt and... maybe jean shorts? It's dark. I'm not sure. But they come over to the play equipment, and take the stairs up (just as I did). Whatever they're doing -- and I have a pretty good guess -- I'm hoping they'll stay in some other area and not notice me.

But, no. They start across the bridge, towards the tower. It only has three levels; I'm sitting in the top, and the bridge connects to the middle, where you can circle around to a ladder to get to my area. I have no desire to have them discover me and freak out, so... as the girl reaches the end of the bridge and is about to duck into the tower... I say, dryly, "If I yell 'boo', will you scream?"

There isn't even a pause. They don't stop to consult, or ask questions, or anything. They just flee.

I've never seen people leave play equipment so fast. I don't think their feet touched the ground three times between the playground and their car. No letting the girl go first while the guy stays behind to defend her, just two people leaving a playground at a full sprint.

There's a brief blink of lights as someone unlocks the car, and I'm pretty sure they were cursing the fact that they didn't do it before they got to the vehicle. Then the car starts up and heads right back out of the parking lot. I take another sip from my flask.

I may be forty-two years old, but by the dark and forgotten gods, I've still got it.

Honestly, I don't know why they were scared. I mean, it wasn't like I said, "Don't be afraid. It's just a body." That would have been disturbing. "Two more souls to the call..." would have been scary. Me, I was just asking a perfectly innocent question...

True Parenting Experiences: Stealth Groceries

So, my beautiful wife comes home with the two boys and a whole bunch of groceries. I have been passed out on the bed, but the thunderous stampede puts an end to that, and I climb down to help unload the groceries.

Beautiful Wife: "So... Firstborn snuck some garlic in with the onions for you. He said it was surprise garlic. I put it back when he wasn't looking, but you should probably tell him you found it."

Me: "Okay, sure. Surprise garlic."

The unloading of groceries continues.

Me: "What is this?"

Beautiful Wife: "Dragon fruit. The boys wanted to try it."

Me: "Okay, then."

The unloading of groceries continues.

Beautiful Wife: "Is that bacon?"

Me: "Two pounds of it."

Beautiful Wife: "The boys got bacon for you."

Me: "Looks that way. You didn't know about this?"

Beautiful wife: "I thought that cost more than it should have."

Me: "THE BOYS REALLY LOVE ME!!!"

Demonization, lionization, Martyrdom, and County Clerk Kim Davis

I've been thinking a lot about this County Clerk, Kim Davis, and reading various points and counterpoints, and noodling over thoughts about the separation of church and state and how that plays out here, and how it would play out if the situation were just a little bit different, and what it is that bothers me about some of the criticism (and shaming) that I see directed at her, and some of the idolizing/lionizing that I also see directed at her. And the main thing that bugs me, I think, is that so much of it seems to be missing the point.

She's a government employee who can no longer perform the duties of her office. That being the case, the decent and honorable thing to do would be to step down. Whether I agree with her reasons or not doesn't matter. Whether or not she understands the religion she professes to be a part of doesn't matter. Whether or not she's a massive, flaming hypocrite doesn't matter. Whether she's just a generally horrible person (and I have no idea whether she is) doesn't matter. Her clothing, hairstyle, and body sure as hell don't matter. She is actively preventing a portion of her governmental job from being done, in defiance of a court order, and in light of that jail time seems perfectly appropriate. As far as I can see, that's really all that needs to be said about it.

It would be different if she were some sort of minister, and someone was trying to put legal pressure on her to perform weddings in her church that were not allowed by her beliefs. That would also be a violation of the separation of church and state, but in the other direction, and I would be entirely in support of her. But that is not the case; her duties as County Clerk are entirely secular, irreligious, non-sectarian, and non-denominational. Her job, or this portion of it, is to determine whether or not applicants meet the legal requirements to receive a governmental (hence, secular) marriage license; that's all.

And somewhere in the back of my mind is a vague thought about the odd Christian propensity for viewing itself as a persecuted minority religion, despite the fact that in most places that view has been out of date for something like sixteen hundred years.

It's not about the nail...

This may not, at first glance, seem to have anything to do with technical support. But... well... just watch it. The connection is there, I promise.

Book Review: Alice in Underland: The Queen of Stilled Hearts

First things first: I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. That sort of thing always worries me a little -- I mean, what if I didn't like it? -- but in the case of Alice's Adventures in Underland: The Queen of Stilled Hearts, I'm happy to say that no such problem exists. The book is utterly charming (provided, of course, that you're the sort of person who enjoys phantasmagorical settings, humorous and/or macabre nonsense, and zombies).

I was expecting something on the order of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies -- that is, the original text of Alice in Wonderland but with zombies added in. That would have been enjoyable by itself, I think, and there are definitely zombies in there. (In this case, it isn't so much that there are zombies "added in" as it is that all the mad inhabitants of Wonderland are now zombies. Still mad, though.) However, the author doesn't stop there. Alice's Adventures in Underland isn't just Alice in Wonderland retold, with zombies; it's also a story about Alice Liddell, the young girl for/about whom the story was written, and something of her experience growing up in an alternate-history England where the zombie plague is wide-spread, but held in check by a special serum that allows the infected to look, act, and think like everyone else.

On that level, it's a fascinating look at the society of this not-quite-historical England, using the not-quite-Alice-in-Wonderland story as a sort of lens or mirror to explore elements of social expectation, hypocrisy, slavery... and, of course, zombies. And, by providing this not-quite-historical context, the author makes the story much more accessible than (I suspect) most casual modern readers find the original Alice in Wonderland. Alice in Underland isn't just charming, sometimes macabre nonsense; it's charming and sometimes macabre nonsense with meaning.

If that sounds like your cup of tea, you can purchase the book here. Just don't forget to take your serum.

Music: Buy The Captain Rum

I'm running low on rum. Help!

Go play in the yard!

On Sunday, we reached a point where the boys had been being still for far too long, and had far too much energy. So I sent them out to the back yard to play. I observed at the time (on Facebook):

have forced the boys to go and play in the back yard. This will probably result in a certain amount of chaos and devastation (especially since it's hot and I have therefore given them permission to turn on the hose), but still... better out there than in our house.

After a while, I went to check on them, and found... this...