Honor... and the Mustache

Come close, my boys, and listen well. I have a small piece of my long life's wisdom to share with you, and it looks like this:

A man's mustache reflects his reputation.

Take mine, for example: it small and unintrusive, well-groomed, and part of other things (specifically a goatee, as I am far, far too lazy to shave my chin).

Now, some men choose to have no mustache, and that's a perfectly acceptable choice. There is no dishonor in obscurity.

But consider, by contrast, John Bolton:

His mustache is overflowing and horrible even to look at, much like his reputation. You see? So, my boys, you must always keep your mustaches -- and your reputations -- clean and neat.