Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Etiquette for Elevators

1. Anyone getting off the elevator has the right of way. Let them out, then get on.

2. Shift around. Mutter to yourself about things like "you know they're made of meat" or "listening, always listening" or "the voices never stop" or "salt in the wounds adds flavor".

3. If you have luggage, keep it tucked out of the way behind you, preferably in a corner.

4. If the trip is more than three floors, punch an extra button; then look expectantly out the door when you reach that floor. Say things like, "Oh, don't mind him. He's just an old softie. Just scoot over a little bit to leave room for his tail."

5. If there are children on the elevator, look at them suspiciously, then put a finger to your lips.

6. Brood.

7. Be sure to inform your fellow passengers that these elevators always have cameras.

8. Do not make eye contact; that would be rude.

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