In ancient times my people roamed the steppes in nomadic tribes. They fished in the streams, gathered grains and berries where they could find them, and hunted the wandering herds of caribou and ostriches. In those long-ago days, now known as the Time Before Cake, birthdays were celebrated with the ritual hunting of a Great Boar, and the sharing of bacon among the tribe.
Today, more or less in time for my birthday, we honor our ancestors and remember their ways. Though the Great Boars are long extinct, and hunting the steppes is largely illegal, still do we share bacon among family and clan. Rejoice with us in the bringing home of the bacon and the frying it up in a pan. These... these are the ways of our people.