Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Confidential File Transcript - For Goodness' Sake

NP IntSec N/N Monitoring
D/T: 2012-12-14 04:36:27
MonLoc: ElfDorm3-2nd-NWBath
IntSecAgBadge: 45354


Voice1: Hurry it up. I'm back on shift in three hours. What's more important than food and sleep right now?

Voice2: Exactly that. How many hours of sleep have we gotten in the last week? How many meals a day?

Voice 1: It's crunch time. It's always like this. You know.

Voice 2: It wasn't always like this. We used to work shorter shifts. We got regular meals and enough sleep.

Voice 1: That was before there were so many kids in the world, and so much stuff for them to want. Come on, let me-

Voice 2: That's what the Big Guy wants you to think. He's been making us do more with less for years. We do all the work around here, but he gets all the credit.

Voice 1: So what are you suggesting?

Voice 2: I'm just saying we should have a little bit more say in how the place is run. That's all.

Voice 1: Look, I'm not gonna disrupt Christmas just so we can take longer breaks. You want to talk about this, I say we take it to the Big Guy in January.

Voice 2: It'll be too late, then. We'll have lost our bargaining position. We have to do it now, when he doesn't have time to bring in help. We do this in the spring, he'll just replace us.

Voice 1: No. Even if you're right, it's not fair to the kids.

Voice 2: Just think about it. That's all I'm asking.

Voice 1: Fine. I'll think about it. I'm going to go to the canteen right now, and think about it. And then I'm going to grab some sleep, but when I wake up, I'll think about it. While I'm making toys.

Voice 2: That's all I'm asking.


VP-Ident "Voice 1": Gumdrop Biddles, Assembly Elf II, Electronics
%Cert: 98.756%

VP-Ident "Voice 2": SnowBlossom Smith, Stall Maintenance Elf, Reindeer Barn
%Cert: 99.193%

IntSecAg 45354 Recommendations: Keep Assembly Elf Gumdrop on the Nice List, but flag his file for extra monitoring for 1 week. Move Stall Maintenance Elf Snowblossom to Naughty List and institute Full Scrooge Treatment.


  1. Is there more of this to come? Elf revolt? Elf unions?

  2. I have no idea. It's entirely possible. If there is, A) it won't be tomorrow (I'm amusing myself with some link bait in the morning) and B) it'll probably be kind of disturbing.

  3. Does anyone else remember the Elf union strike in Reagan era Doonesbury? It just happened around the same time as the air traffic controller's strike.

  4. Vaguely, now that you mention it. I was always more of a Bloom County reader.


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