Why I Want A Wife

Somebody linked to this earlier... yesterday, I think. It was written in 1971, but an awful lot of it still seems awfully relevant...

Why I Want A Wife

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife a wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturing attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

The author's name is Judy Syfers. Go read the whole thing (if you aren't familiar with it already).

One Side of a Phone Conversation

We've had several calls in the last several days purporting to be from "Windows Technical Support" and calling to tell us - or, more specifically, the Beautiful Woman - that her computer had a virus. This a fairly transparent scam, probably aimed at getting her to download an actual virus - or possibly pay them to fix a nonexistent problem. So, this evening, as we were cleaning up after dinner, the phone rang (again) and the Beautiful Woman answered it. Thus, I was treated to the following side of the conversation.

Ladies and gentlemen, my wife:

"Hello?"

"...Yes?"

"Really? You are from Microsoft Office and I have a virus on my computer? Please, PLEASE tell me about it."

"Keep talking. I'm fascinated. I'm RIVETED."

"I'm sure you have so much to share. Tell me more!"

"...He hung up." (Insert impish grin here.) "He probably thought I was keeping him on the line so we could trace the call."

Bovine Psychiatry

I can't remember if I've used this on the blog before or not, but it's one of my favorite stupid jokes.

Two cows are standing on a hilltop.

First Cow: "Did you hear about this Mad Cow Disease that's going around?"

Second Cow: "Sure did."

First Cow: "Are you worried about it? I am."

Second Cow: "Why should I worry? I'm a penguin."

Lovely Creature

I have nothing for this morning, so I'm going to play some Nick Cave.

Semicolons! In! Space!

In a press release today, the International Society Of Semicolons announced that their entire population would be leaving Earth later this week. Reasons for the decision included grammatical abuse, a lack of appreciation from the English-speaking world, and a general dislike of being included in "winks" in online text communications.

The Semicolon Science Academy, with the help of several disgruntled ex-NASA engineers, has spent the last several years constructing a rocket big enough transport the entire semicolon population to a small planet orbiting the star Alpha Eridani, which appears to be populated entirely by ink-based lifeforms.

While they eventually plan to inhabit the entire planet, their initial settlement will be a small semicolony.

Cryoshell

This is a band I'd really like to hear more out of. They're also part of the increasingly large portion of my music collection that I discovered through my children's entertainment. Anyway, join us below the cut for some Cryoshell:

I'll be in a white dress with three roses on the table in front of me...

So... is it wrong that, upon noticing that Rachel Held Evans had posted a piece entitled How do I involve God in my sexuality? my first thought was, basically: I'd imagine you start with a personal ad; maybe correspond for a bit; and if you seem to be compatible, meet at some sort of neutral ground, like a restaurant, to see if you get along in person. After that, well, if everybody's comfortable with the arrangement, off you go.

I'm going to Hell, aren't I?